They're dead, Jim
by galacticdreamer
Summary: A teen who wasn't supposed to die in a terrorist attack is forced to try life again. Taking the place of an empty body in a new universe, Rowan will have to start over with a new family and a new life style. [unfinished]
1. Dead

UH YEA HERE YOU GO. TELL ME IF YOU LIKE IT OR NOT OR HOW I COULD IMPROVE. OR NOT. I'M NOT THE GOVERNMENT.

* * *

Step one, wake up. Step two, roll out of bed onto the floor. Step three, groan in agony because, _shit, _that hurt. A human head, gravity, and wooden floors are never a good combination. Step four, get up from the floor because what are you? five? No, you're sixteen. You're practically an adult for gods sake! That was dumb even to say in your head. Adults hate getting up from bed too, not just teens. All the adults you know would have probably done the same thing you just did.

Cold, small feet shuffled on the freezing wooden floors from the bed to the door. You left your window open last night, which is never a good thing to do in such a horrible winter. The door squeaked open with your shaky hand pushing it. On the other side of the door was slightly warmer carpet. Your shoulders loosen up and you let out a breath into the crisp, dull, air.

Making your way into the bathroom, you splash water on your face and looked into the mirror. You stared into the reflection. Bags under your eyes from horrible sleeping habits and acne from your poor diet covered your damaged face.

Grey.

Boring and dull, washed out and tired. You felt _grey. _Your skin was dry and irritated from the harsh winter air. Maybe investing in moisturizer would be a good idea for your future. Work and school have drained you and its only January first. You didn't even bother with a new years resolution this year.

You continued your morning routine. Changing into 'school appropriate' clothing as well. You pick each leg up that felt like a thousand pounds until you reached the kitchen. A cup of tea will warm your soul, it always felt like it softened your bones. Your mom walks in while you fill and turn on the kettle.

"I have to go into work early, do you mind taking the bus?" She walked through the kitchen in a rush. Her face was tired and worn out as well. She still remained your beautiful mother though. Her hair brown hair was put up into a bun, a few grey curls framing her face. It was a messy style, not 'styled' enough to look fashionable. A woman that no one who didn't know her wouldn't call pretty. She, like many in your family, suffered from a permanent bitch face. She was skinny, but still had fat in places that younger people wouldn't. Sagging and thin skin and age spots covering her battered body.

You still complimented her everyday. She was beautiful in a way that isn't advertised on T.V. or magazines. "Yea. Have a good day at work. Love you." She was already out the door once you said 'yea'. You'll stop by her work later after school and make sure her day is going well, maybe bring her lunch, then you can actually compliment her. She knows you love her even if you didn't, but you wanted to make sure she loved her self.

The kettle screams. You grab a tea bag and put it into a to-go cup, pouring the steaming water along with it. Grabbing your backpack with one hand and your tea in the other, you leave your dated home. It hasn't been renovated since the eighties. At least, thats what your mom says.

* * *

The wind hits you in the face, it stings. Maybe you should have grabbed a jacket. Not a sweat jacket, you already have that, an actual jacket. You know, one ment for the winter? It doesn't matter, you never get colds anyways. Fuck you biology. This is how natural selection works. You go to the end of your street, two other students already await for the bus. You stand by them, sipping your tea. They looked friendly. But small talk was never your thing, there is always another day. You can talk to them another time. You still have two more years of highschool to get through, time is kind of on your side.

* * *

You hear your teacher talk, but you don't listen. Everything is like white noise. Your eyelids half-closed and your head resting in your hand like almost every other student. You never liked history class. Science and math, those where your strong points. You wanted to become an engineer. You didn't know why, but it seemed like a respectable thing to do. It would make your mom proud.

A student next to you passed you a note.

You raised an eyebrow and opened it underneath your desk.

Oh.

They want to go on a date with you.

You glance at the student from the corner of your eye and gave a small, kind, smile. They were cute. Short black afro, tall, brown eyes. But then again, you could never really call anyone ugly. You mouthed a 'sure'.

Their face lit up, you wrote on the paper your phone number and email. Lately, no one has been able to use their phones. They just... haven't been working. But you put your number down just in case. You scribbled, '_lets talk after class' _and handed it to them. They threw you a wink, you can't believe it, but you blushed. You yourself had low self-esteem. Maybe it was your complexion or poor communication skills that cause most of the issues, but you try not to think about it. You were surprised to be asked out, but hanging out with an attractive person is something that is impossible to turn down. Your heart was racing even though you were trying to play it cool. It sank in after they turn their attention back to the teacher. You have a _date. _You felt fuzzy and giddy. But you always push those types of emotions down so they're not visible.

In school at least. You're a complete dork with somethings.

You thought or a moment.

They're name. What was it again? Hao? Hani? Shit. Shit. Think!

They're name was...Oh. It was Happy. You remember it now, you remember when they introduced themselves earlier last year. How adorable.

You looked down at the desk and smiled again slightly. This day isn't that bad. Back to reality, you need to try and focus on what the teacher is saying, you have a test next class.

_**Screaming.**_

People jumped from their desks, you looked side to side frantically, what the hell? What is everyone doing? You noticed what they where looking at. The window. In the far distance was an explosion. You didn't noticed the floor shaking at first, it was the adrenaline shooting through your body that caused a numb feeling.

"_We're in a time of peace!" _You think, sweat dropping from your forehead. The teacher is ushering everyone to calm down, to stop screaming. 'Everyone just stop fucking screaming! Just _stop!' _He was screaming.

The floor shook. Another bomb.

You were frozen, still sitting in your desk. You looked at Happy. Their hands were covering their face. You reached over and put your hand on their shoulder. You said, '_It's okay' _right above the screaming. Just loud enough for them to hear. They didn't respond, they were probably in shock. You take off your jacket and put it over their shoulders and head.

Another explosion.

You wanted to stay with Happy. You didn't know anyone else in the class. But you wanted to help in anyway you could. You search through the sea of crying and screaming students and find your teacher. He stopped yelling at the students to stop screaming. He was young. A full head of blonde hair, perfect skin, bright blue eyes. He was the teacher that was known for always helping students. But in a time of panic, you guess anyone can be an asshole. You touch his shoulder. Your face trying to remain as cool and collected as possible. "_Sir?" _You try and talk above the screaming. "_Are you okay? Can I help?"_

He was surprised at the question from student, "_I should be asking you that," _He tried to smile, but panic was clear on his face. "_Kinsley, I think we all should pray, even if you don't believe, just...humor me." _He was close to sobbing. This is...sad. You looked up to him, he always seemed so confident and secure. You could trust him with anything. But you could never talk to him after class or ask any question, you were always too scared.

"_Of course, sir." _You bow your head as another two students come along. You all hold hands. You were iffy on religion. But if it could make others feel safe, then why not.

Another bomb dropped.

You'll admit it. You were scared.

* * *

You don't know where you are. You see grey. Not black, but grey. You feel nothing. You can't even feel _nothing. _The mere concept of nothing isn't there. Even nothing is there. This gives you a headache if you could feel.

You go to open you mouth, but you can't. You don't have a month. You don't have a body. Yet you're still existing. A noise comes through.

"Who is this one...-I hate names. I don't understand half of them." You feel something, a presence maybe. The voice comes through more and more clear with each word. "Okay, let's get this over with..."

You falling and an extreme speed.

You have a body.

The light is so bright.

You can feel the grass between you toes.

You look at your hands, no lead marks or pen marks. No scars or...anything. It's like they're brand new. Your vision is blurry, but you assume it's because of your new eyes.

A figure stands in front of you, no matter how much you looked at it, they couldn't describe it. You open your mouth, this time it exists. "What's going-"

"You're dead, friend." The creature says, "So many people are dead! My job is so hectic right now! You wouldnt believe it, you would think that beyond the grave paperwork wouldn't exist." It speaks so fast, you could barely keep up. You're...dead? No way. No way. No. This can't be happening.

"I mean, technically you're **not** dead yet, boss says I need to stop saying that. You're just going to be...idle for a while. I should slow down, shouldn't I? I've always hated the concept of time. How about you just...ask me questions and I answer them, then after that I'll tell you everything I haven't said yet."

A breeze passes through, your hair moving in front of your face. Your heart rate is slow, oddly you can't seem to panic. You take a breath. Just take things one step at a time. You can do that.

"...how am I dead?" You ask as calmly as possible.

"The roof of your school caved in, instantly killing you."

That isn't the answer you were looking for. To be honest, you don't know what kind of answer you were looking for. You wanted to frown, but you couldn't will yourself.

"Where am I?"

"Where _aren't _you?"

You roll your eyes, what an asshole. If someone asks you to asks them questions, at least answer them. You fold your arms and take another breath, something you somehow keep forgetting to do. But then again, it doesn't really matter if you stop breathing here, does it? You shake your head, thats not what you should be thinking about."What's going to happen to me?"

"You're going to be sent to another dimension, like many of people who died with you. You will take on a life of one of my place holders. Then live until the age you were supposed to die."

"Then what?"

"If I tell you, that would take away the point of you living."

"That doesn't make sense."

"Don't sass me."

"What am I, your kid? I'll sass who ever I want."

"No. Stop it right now."

"Can I punch you?"

"_No!" _

"I'm going to punch you."

"Don't you dare. I am a-" You take a step back with your fresh legs and jumped to the creature, one elbow back, ready to punch the creature where its head should be. Right before your fist collided with its face, it was gone. Your eyes widened and you topple over, the wind knocked out of you. "We're making no progress."

"Because you're being an asshole! Let me punch you!" You get back up immediately and turned around, aiming again for the creatures face.

You punch the air again, the creature appearing behind you. "_Stop._ Question time is done. Let me explain what you need to know."

What else do you need to know? You have to live again, without your mom and friends. Without your home and-don't think about that stuff. It will just bring you down. Think about the positives.

"One, You will remember everything, but you will never be able to talk about these current events." It says, you are forced to stare while it talks.

"Two, Your body will be the same as it was, but in a healthier state." You noticed this already. You want to complain, but you cannot open your mouth. You guess you pissed this thing off.

"Three, You cannot let events pass by you, or else they will be forced upon you. These are similar events that were supposed to happen in your first chance." You _really _don't like the sound of that. You feel like you're going to be a prisoner in your own life.

If anything, you're left with more questions. But you still cannot open your mouth.

Everything turns to a washed out grey and you begin to fall once again. The creatures stays where it was talking as you fall down through the dirt and rock, you feel each and every worm and bug and until it fades out. You begin to wonder if you actually felt anything or you just thought you should.

* * *

You're on a bed. You wonder if any of that actually happened for a moment. But then you look down at your hands. There's markings, almost looking like scars. But not what you had before you 'died' or when you were given a new body.

Your birthday and your death date.

07/01/1998 to 03/01/2015

It's on your inner left wrist and barely visible. Your fingers from your other hand ghosted over it. It was real. You died. You looked left and right. The room you were in was amazing. Fancy would be an understatement. There was a card on the night stand. You grabbed it while still sitting on 'your' bed.

"_Happy birthday Rowan,_

_We're glad to welcome you to our family, me and your father had to go to America for a business trip. We can't believe we haven't even been able to spend a full day with you since we adopted you, but duty calls. We hope you feel right at home. The maids are down stairs, they will cook you anything and answer any of your questions. _

_Make us proud as our new heir._

_Proudly bear the name Rowan Kurosawa._

_04/04/2015"_

You have a new first and last name. Weird. You feel...like you shouldn't be here. You run a hand through your hair. It was clean, like you took a shower last night or something. You hesitantly put your feet on the cold, oak floor. You guess somethings will never change. It was comforting.

Once you open the door you get a feel for how big this place really is. Its...way to much for one family. You walk down the hallway and down the stairs cautiously. The stairs are made of marble and a thin sheet a red carpet goes down the center, like the hallway. A maid catches you when you are in the middle of the stairway.

"Master Rowan, good morning! Would you like me to show you to the dining room?" You are taken back by being called master, thats something you only hear in porn-not that you watch that kind of stuff. Regardless, you answer.

"Uh, yea. Sure."

"Great, follow me please." She smiled while she talked. You do as you says and follow the maid. "What would you like for breakfast?"

Once you enter the archway into the dining room, you try and hold back a gasp. Why would anyone need this much room? "U-uh, just eggs and toast please."

"And to drink?"

"Any kind of tea."

She pulled a chair out and motion for you to sit. You do as such "Before I tell the chief, I have to ask what school uniform you would like me to order. A male uniform or a female? I'm sorry, but I dont, uh-"

"A male uniform please. When do I start school?" You can get used to to this type of treatment.

"Tomorrow, at eight a.m."

Wow, your really being thrown right into it. Well, what can you do.

"After I eat, can I leave the house?"

"Of course young master, you don't need to ask. Do you want me to get a limo and clothing prepared?"

"Just the clothing please."

"Of course. Please remember to bring your phone."

Then she left. You guess phones work here. You're assuming you're in Japan. After-oh gosh. You can speak Japanese now. You didn't even realise it. You said, '_Holy fuck' _out loud but in English. You're trilingual now. Congratulations.

You scarfed down your food immediately when it was placed on the table. You try and not to think about anything to avoid a mental break down. Then you went upstairs and changed. You brush your teeth and wash your face again, at least you have your basic routine still. Well, slightly.

With the rest of the day to spare, you just want to be alone. You don't want anyone to talk to you. You just want to breath fresh air, you don't want to take it for granted again.

* * *

SHOULD I CHANGE THE POINT OF VIEW OR ARE YOU NERDS CHILL WITH 2ND PERSON


	2. Day One

I changed the point of view, thanks to Shuri Kuran review!

Some of your questions will be answered in later(or this one) chapters, as some of them haven't even crossed Rowans mind. (Some of them I didn't even think about, so thank you!)

(Also, Rowan isn't a girl, boy, or interesex. They will mention what gender they were raised as and what sex they are later on, but it isn't important to mention it now. Non-binary characters are lacking in this fandom.)

* * *

I got home late last night, forgetting to eat lunch and dinner. Once I got back, I immediately was on my bed. I woke up once at a.m. sleeping was hard. Anxiety was filling my chest, my only idea was to take a long bath. Multiple scents and bath bombs were already in the bathroom, it was like being in spa.

I needed the silence still. I know its temporary. I'm joining a new school half way through the semester, I'm going to be in the spotlight of gossip. I got the name of the school aswell, it rings a bell in my mind.

I sink into the tub, my eyes just above the water.

Ouran Highschool. It's a private school made for the rich. How pretentious. I liked public school just because it was more fun, especially in America. Horrible stories of fights (Me being in one or two, I didn't want to draw too much attention to myself.) People running a muck, public school was just...different. A smile ghosts over my lips at my memories. I wonder if they're going to rebuild it, or if my old home town was completely gone.

I sink lower into the tub. _Don't think about it. Don't think about it. _

All my records have been hidden, no matter how skilled a hacker or investigator could be, they won't be able to find anything more then my name and age. I don't know why Mr. Kurosawa did it, but it relieved me. I know I'm going to be labeled as a boy. I'm not going to try and fight it, I **am** wearing the male uniform after all. No one is going to ask what pronouns I like here. It was just the cold truth. It would be dumb to expect it.

_Stop thinking about it._

I get up from the bath, water dripping down from my lanky body. The cold air hits my body like a bullet, I grab the towel and wrap it around my body. Even though I was given a healthier body, I feel like I'm already destroying it. Maybe I should see a nutritionist. Learn some healthy habits.

Nah.

I change into comfy pjs and slide back into bed while the sky is still dark. I start to wonder what happened to Happy. I didn't really know them, and we never were able to talk after class. What would we have even talked about? Maybe we would have gone on a date together. A new movie theater opened up across from my old home. I wonder what movies they would have liked.

I roll over in my bed. The covers surround me, but I still feel cold. The walls that surround me are painted grey, prestien white baseboards lead to a clean finish. It felt safe. But I still feel uneasy. I close my eyes and take in a breath. Tossing and turning before settling in a position. It was a free-falling position I landed in. My pillow becoming my one sanctuary in a huge room-no, a huge house, that makes me feel...alone.

Or a huge country.

Or a huge world.

_Shut up. Go get some sleep. What a day you have in front of you. A fresh start is what many people yearn for. How rare for someone like you to get this opportunity. A young person, barely any regrets in your mind before your demise._

I let out another breath. My body relaxing fully while half of my brain shuts off, finally getting the true sleep I need.

####

Light shines through the window. A maid came in and opened all the windows and threw all my covers off my body. Rude much? I groan and roll over, taking a pillow and putting it on top of my head. I'm not ready to see light. Or life. Or anything. I just want to stay in this comfy bed. I can't believe I still have to go to school.

Just shoot me instead. Please.

"Don't be a baby. Get up and get dressed." Her voice was tired, I could tell she had her hands on her hips even though I couldn't see her. "What do you want for breakfast today?" I groan in response.

"Eggs and toast it is then" She mumbled, the clicks from her shoes grow closer until she grabbed the pillow away. She isn't like the nice maids from yesterday. Where did that whole 'master' thing go? It was growing on me. "Be down in five minutes."

Then the door clicked shut. I sit up in a confuzzled manner. I look side to side with half closed eyes.

She took my pillow.

_**Blasphemy.**_

I groan even louder than before and swung my legs over the bed. Loud enough for her to hear.

A second passes before I hear a 'Rowan, grow up!'. This maid was rude. So rude. Regardless, I look at my dresser across from me. There lies my uniform and my motivation. It's one in the other. I never wore a uniform before, let alone a suit.

I change out of my pajamas and go about my usual morning routine. Eating breakfast with the rude maid no where in sight. I should have looked at her face earlier, then I would have actually known who to avoid. I pass with getting a ride to school. I never really liked wasting gas. Call me a hippie, I don't really care.

Walking is always a nice way to really get an idea of where anyone lives. In the non creepy way. One foot in front of the other repeating over and over. I pass other students that go to public schools along the way. Girls in cute school uniforms, boys in clean cut black uniforms. Most if not all were not in a rush at all, just like me.

I breath in and out, my chest expanding slowly and exhaling. I take in the scenery around me. I lived in a desert community before, all this mild weather and lush green plants are somewhat foreign to me. Don't get me wrong, we had spots of growing grass and trees, but those where man made. No where near natural. Seeing this is refreshing. The spring air surrounded in and captivated me. Mild weather. I didn't know what I was missing out on.

Why would anyone drive around here? It's beautiful. If only I didn't have to go to class and view everything from a window.

I cross the street, not really looking for passing cars. Hit me, I'm fine with taking the insurance money and not having to go to school. Actually, just hit me, I don't need the insurance money.

A car honks and me while I'm in the middle of the street but I keep walking with my resting tired bored face.

Once I get out of their way, it speeds passed me. The gust of wind blowing my hair to the side. Silence fills the air once again. I pause and mental record everything that happens. I feel like I'm not even in my body right now, instead I'm just watching a movie. I sigh and turn to walk once again.

The pink school comes into my vision. Cherry blossoms already pass me on the way. I hear others talking while I walk. I feel slightly out of place, I can say that at least. It keep my eyes down while I walk, but my head up. I don't want to look un-confident, but I still don't want to meet eye-contact with anyone. I keep my posture as I walk, I read that bullying is more common in asian countries, whether that isn't true or not, I'd rather not get in any fights here. God forbid I make my..new parents mad. Or would they even care?

I learned that Mr. and Mrs. Kurosawa ran a video game company. It's huge in western countries and is shooting through Japan. I played on my 3DS before, but nothing other than that. I guess it was never taboo where I lived. Technology itself was still new to my home. After the latest war, even the smallest bits of technology was seen as luxury.

The doors to the school where open. I feel like I'm being stared at. Everyones eyes are looking, or so I feel like it. It's horrible. I just want to get to class and start to do work, so I can forget about everyone else. I walk into the giant school, still avoiding eye contact. I was told my homeroom before I left, but how Japanese schools are organized I don't know.

What else to do then just look in every classroom and hope and pray that I find the right one? The school in huge, I sigh and go left first, up the staircase and continuing.

I peaked in on each classroom. Class still not in session for another ten minutes, no students were actually inside the building. Pretty similar to public schools back home. Classroom after classroom was empty, not a teacher in sight.

Today is going to be a long day.

######

It was weird, staying in one seat all day. I'm used to moving each block, but instead the teachers come to us. I didn't know school could get even more boring. I keep to myself, getting away with listening to my music without any teachers noticing. I stayed in my class during lunch, doodling on my paper for a remaining thirty minutes of lunch. I didn't bother to eat my packed lunch, not hungry. Maybe it was the anxiety filling my stomach quieting my hunger.

Regardless, the last bell of the day rang, I stayed in my seat for a solid minute, waiting for the class to empty out. But oddly enough, some students actually came towards me. How annoying. I really don't want to talk to anyone or make any 'new' friends. My old ones where just fine.

My eyes drift up to the people by my desk, my eyes previously on my doodles. I take my earphones out with a side and look at them. "Can I help yo-"

"You're Kurosawa, right?"

"Just Rowan."

"R-Rowan-kun, okay then." Kun? Really? I remember one of my weeaboo friends in middle school using all those honorifics. -Kun is...masculine, right? And -Chan is feminine? I've never understood grammar rules. "Is it true you're from Spain?"

Where the did this girl get that from? Why are these girls even talking to me? I push down any sarcastic answers and smile. I'm not here to make enemies, no matter how difficult it may be with my personality."My mom was from Mexico, but I grew up in America. Why do you ask?"

Another girl piped in, "Can you speak Spanish and English as well as Japanese?"

Rude. I managed not to roll my eyes. I sit back in my chair and act like I'm actually calm and not bursting with anxiety. I might as well try and have some fun.

"Sí, yo hago" I say, then turning to english, "_It's rude to assume things though. Do you understand?"_

They look surprised, it's kind of cute. I get up from my desk at the lack of an answer and start putting my stuff in my bag. "It's rude not to introduce yourself as well."

"S-Sorry, I'm Ueda Mariko "

"Moto Rie"

"Kimura Sayuri"

Wait, last names are really their first names, right? "Mariko, Rie, and Sayuri? Cute names." I smile and sling my bag around my shoulder. "Any other questions?"

They look at each other and start talking in hushed tones. "We're going to the host club, we were wondering...if you would like to join us, Rowan-kun?"

Host club? Shit, this is all ringing a bell in my mind. I run a hand through my hair. "Sure, why not? Lead the way, ladies." I say, "Also, no need for honorifics. Just Rowan, it sounds better." They look away, surprised. I don't know much on japanese culture, so what I just said could have been a huge 'go f yourself'. I take a breath and try to exhale is softy. I noticed the girls are all shorter than me. Myself, five ten, isn't that tall either. They must be around five two. I don't know why I'm commenting on this.

"One question, what's a host club?" It was kind of embarrassing to ask, but I didn't want to go in blind.

"Oh, you'll find out when we get there!" Well, I'll guess I'll go fuck myself then, thanks.

I follow the three girls out of the classroom, now roaming the halls. "So Rowan-k-uh, why did you move from America to Japan?"

That's a loaded question. "Me? I'm pretty boring, I can tell you when I come up with an interesting excuse" It wasn't a lie. I just didn't want to straight up say I was adopted. I don't want a pity fest. "How about, I had to come here to kill the horrible goat who stole my families honer years ago? Nah, not too convincing. You ladies have any ideas?"

You began to walk up the giant staircase, the top floor of the south campus. Why is this ringing a bell? The girls simply laughed at your joke earlier, not seriously taking your offer to come up with something better. It kind of slowed the conversation. We pass the first music room, the halls are already filled with chatter. Luckily the girls I'm with take my focus away from the anxiety I'm feeling right now. All about what's going on in the moment.

"Where have you traveled before?"

"Nowhere, born and raised in America, I didn't even have a passport until recently" The gasphed. You guess they really are stereotypical rich kids. We pass the second music room. "How about you, Rie?"

"Oh, I've been all over, Switzerland, England, Germany, Thailand, France-" I tune out her voice, pretending to listen. Nodding and shooting a smile ever so often. "-Oh, we're here."

Sayuri pushed open the door for the rest of the girls and me.

When the door was opened, there was the ouran koukou host club before me. Rose petals flying into my face-I remember it now. It feels like everything is now in slow motion while my brain processes this. My old weeaboo friend Blake, used to read a manga, Ouran Highschool Host Club or something. She got me to watch the anime with her years ago, I fell asleep during most of the episode, I barely remember anything. She would kill to be in my spot right now.

And I would kill to be wherever she was. Any place that isn't here. This is terrifying. It makes me think what's real and what is. Am I making sense? I gulp and stand in place. The girls pass me and enter the club, I stay frozen, staring at the blonde man in the chair.

"Transfer student Kurosawa Rowan-kun!" He extends his hand, "Welcome to ouran Koukou host club!" I stand confused and scared. My emotions are irrational and I know it. But I-_Don't think about it. Don't think about it. Chill out.._

Respond, dumbass! "Sup?" I said, "I guess I was the talk of gossip? That's how you know my name?"

"Transfer students aren't that common!" Two red headed boys say in unison says from behind me, I jump in shock.

"I can't believe that the new student is gay..." Another male voice said. But I wasn't able to pinpoint it. My head was spinning.

"So what would you like? Wild, Lolita, Incest, or-" He steps closer to me and places his hand on my cheek. "Would you like to try me?"

Oh. That's something I do _not _like.

My face turns back to its resting bitch status and move away from his hand, anger clear on my face. "Didn't anyone teach you to keep your hands to yourself? I step back from the stunned male. I scratch my cheek, I almost begin to second guess myself, but no, I have to stand up for myself, I can't let people push their own ideas of who I am onto me. "And not to make assumptions?"

My hands go back to my pockets. "Sexuality and gender is a spectrum, and you should _never _assume anyones sexuailty."

Everyone else in the room is quiet. Oh no. Am I making a sence? Did I over do it? But he touched me without my permission! He turns away and goes to the corner, crouching down. "H-Hey, don't play the victim! That's-such a _douchebag_ thing to do!"

"Wow, you and Haruhi can make him depressed in less then a second." Man, I really hate everyone here. I assume a twin said this.

"It isn't much of an accomplishment, senpai. Tamaki is just over dramatic." I turn around to the slightly more feminine voice.

"I-I didn't mean to actually-"

The owner to the feminine voice laughed, "It's fine, he'll get over it pretty quickly."

"At least there seems to be at least one person with a brain here." I muttered to myself. "I think I've done enough damage to this little club, I'll make a note to avoid this room."

I turn around, running a hand through my hair. Then, a small boy caught me from behind, his arms clinging to my waist. "W-What the fuc-"

"Row-chan, Mariko said you know Spanish and English, is that true? That's really cool!"

"Yea, I'm trilingual. It's not that cool, really. Now if you can let go-"

This is a train wreck. I need to get out of here. The faster, the better. I take a step forward, hoping the boy would let go. Sadly, he didn't. And me not being too strong, I feel right over. My head landing inches from another mans shoes.

"_Shit-fuck-fuck my dickhole-" _Luckily, my arm protected my face from the direct ground, but still, it hurt. The boy jumped off of me. Thank god, he was actually pretty heavy.

"Such language shouldn't be said around ladies" I look up, a male with black hair and glasses looked down at me with his eyes, his head still up. I huff and get up.

"To assume every lady is ignorant to not have a fully vocabulary is pretty dumb, don't you think?" I spoke with a half growl. I am not good at first impressions. "I'm sure they've heard it before."

I brushed myself off. I looked around, I found the three girls who brought me to this god forsaken club.

"Ladies, mind telling me why you brought me here? I want to know if I can leave." My voice was low and tired.

Mariko responded. "Oh-We, uh, sorry it was dumb and wasn't our place but-"

Sayuri finished her sentence, "When we saw you we just thought, wow! They look like a perfect host! I mean yea we could just talk to you but you're new and needed a club to be in and we just thought us and alot of our friends would really like you and-"

I stood there confused. I'm not even a boy. I mean, I guess everyone assumes I am. It's better than being taken for a girl but- "I don't know why you would really want me as a host, I think they got enough people or 'types'."

"B-but, your foreign!"

What.

Should I be offended?

"Would you ladies really be interested in _him?_" The two twins put there arms on either side of the girls couch, looking at them curiously. They shake their head yes, other girls looking at me curiously.

'Tamaki' (I think) rose from his corner, like nothing happened. "He might need to be taught a few lessons with manners, but I don't see why not! When in rome, do as the romans do!"

"No thanks-"

Then he talks over me.

Great.

I apparently am now in a club.

I really am dead. I wasn't reincarnated. This is where I belong. **Hell.**


	3. Obnoxious

MY COMPUTER IS ALIVE

A/N If you read the pre-edit chapter, I recommend you read this chapter again. Cause I fixed stuff.

* * *

A face stares at me through a mirror. Another day at school. I look away and rub my face. My lunch period was still going on for another twenty minutes, the clock seems to stop just for me. I ate my food in a rush and hurried out of the cafeteria, landing me here. In the mens bathroom just looking at my own face. I turn the water on and splash my face a few times, the ends of my hair catching some of the water. I hunch over and my elbows rest on the sink, my hands running through my hair.

I feel like I'm over reacting, I want to talk about everything that happened so badly.

Inhail. Exhail.

I look back into the mirror and smile. I frown. I smile again. I groan and ruffle my hair in frustration, I let out a small growl while I did such. My nails digging into my scalp, I don't know how I didn't pull out my hair. Dead skin collects underneath the jagged nails I neglect. I let out a long breath.

"New guy, you okay?" I didn't even hear the door open, I wasn't alone. I must look crazy. I fix my posture and look at the source of the cheeky and audacious sounding voices. Just at the first glance I knew I was unlucky. It was the twins from yesterday. On had his elbow on the others shoulder, both looked cool and collected. The one that was the resting post for the other seemed to be the one concerned.

"I'm fine, just a stressful week is all." I began, "You're Hikaru and you're..Kaoru right?"

"Hitachiin twins at your service!" The enterprising duo said in unison and with a cheshire grin plastered on their faces. Almost like they're ready to perform a circus act, or like cat ready to pounce on a helpless mouse.

"...Well, I'll be on my way." I grumble while I wipe my wet hands on my pants and walk past them. The door 'clicks' behind me. I let out a breath I don't remember holding and pick up my feet to walk back to my class.

Two hours before school is over, and even then, I have to stay an extra hour for club. I just wanted to go back to my bed. My feet click on the tile floor, people chatting away in the hallway. Their voices blend together into an undesirable mush. Light from the huge windows overtaking the pink walls shower the marble floors throughout the hallways of the school. Bodies pass by me like schools of fish, wrapped up in their little world, oblivious, ignorant, searching for another thing to do.

I keep my head down.

Even though I talked to so many people yesterday, I still have no one to sit with at lunch. Or just friends in general. I look down as I walk, my aura getting colder and colder, but my soul growing heavy with anger. If anyone sees me, they would think I'm pissed or annoyed. I hold in a sigh. My eyelids are heavy, the struggle to let my vision guide me is impossible. If I could, I would rather just sleep walk.

My emotions are on a never ending roller coaster right now. It's probably because I'm hungry still.

With each step, my legs feel like an extra pound is added. I should be used to it, but I'm not. I tune out the voices and just stare at the next time I'm going to step on.

"Come on Rowan, you're no fun." I feel two elbows on my shoulder. I almost jump, but manage to keep my cool. The red headed devils have picked me as their victim today.

"What do you define 'fun' as? See, because my idea of fun right now would be giving both of you a pair of matching black eyes." I muttered out. I hate it when people touch me without my permission. I guess I'm going to be force to get used to it.

"I'm hurt!"

"Think of the children, Rowan!"

I almost grin, but only if they get their elbows off me would I even dare to show any emotion aside from 'annoyed'. "The children? God, I feel bad for them already if they know the both of you." I say, "Now, leave me alone. I don't feel like getting a headache."

"No way," One twin said,

"You're our new toy for the day."The other finished.

"Or at least until club starts. Haruhi is busy studying." They both rolled their eyes at the last word.

"Lucky him" I shoved them off me, "Trust me, you'd just get even more bored if you hang around me. No fun allowed zone. I only kick babies and refuse to pet small animals no matter how cute. Well, aside from puppies. Shit man, have you ever seen a puppy? Who allow that shit to exist-" I catch myself mid ramble. How did I start talking about puppies? How did I even start talking so much? "...Bad example. I will even kick the puppies. Cold blooded. No animal is safe from these shoes." My lips fluttered, an awkward grin finding its way to one corner of my mouth.

Can you image a puppy wearing dress shoes?

Wait. Focus. My mind keeps wandering.

The twins just stare at me with a shit eating smile plastered on their face the whole time.

I furrow my eyebrows and turn around and pause. Then I run full speed. I leave the duo alone and confused. But I would lie if I didn't think the whole situation that just happened wasn't funny. If the circumstances where different, I would have laughed before running.

I'm glad that 'conversation' is done, regardless. I kind of let myself go. I talked without filtering. I always had a habit of rambling, but I really went overboard. I regret opening my mouth. I never even spoke that much at my old school. I never talked that much with friends I knew for years. Even in the bomb shelters, I just kept up small talk until late hours.

I turned down a hallway, empty of other students or teachers. Peeking into what looked like an empty,dark class room, I opened the door and went inside, closing the door with my back and sliding down to the floor. I've been thrown into this too fast

This must be karma.

For the longest time, I saw the world in rose colored glasses. I don't know what made the color dull, nor do I miss it. Reality broke through my lenses years ago. It's dumb that that's what forced me to realize how boring life was. After the longest time, the glasses have now been repaired but costs me too much for me to pay. I can't put these frames on after seeing reality.

I stay in the empty class room until the final bell rang, then I got up from the temporary sanctuary I found solitude in and went to retrieve my bag from my classroom. Students flooded the hallways. Some entering other classrooms for clubs or outside to go home or for sports. I don't know why anyone would stay at school with their own free will. But more power to them I guess. I enter my classroom, two or three students still hover around their desks talking.

I walk to my desk silently, they pay no mind to me. I pack my stuff and sling the bag around my shoulder. I should invest in some pins. That would be cool, I used to have a ton on my old bag. I started collecting when my friend Libitina gave me one in middle school.

Yea. That would be a good way to hold on to my past. A subtle way too. I smile and look down at the thought. After club I'll stop by some store and buy one, I want to grow my collection slowly. It builds more meaning over time. It'll show that I haven't forgotten. I won't feel crazy.

I push my chair in and walk back to the door to exit,

"Hey, where were you after lunch, Rowan-kun?" A random male classmate who was in conversation asked me on my way out. "We took a ton of notes" I just shrugged.

"Nothing important" I muttered while I talked, not making eye contact and remaining in my passive state.

I'm better at talking to girls. They give me more motivation. Because shit, have you seen a girl?

I sigh and leave the room, making my way to the third music room for the second time. I need to remember that eventually it will get to the eleventh time, then the eightieth time, ect.

You would think in a school built from the rich, they would have elevators. But they don't. Of course they don't. That would make things too easy.

I push open the doors, no girls where there yet. Mildly disappointing.

"Rowan, change into this." A costume is shoved into my face immediately within my first step into the music room. It was an...inmate uniform.

"Excuse me?" I was almost in disbelief. Jesus, I didn't think that these guys would be racist. "Explain." Also what is your name again?

The black haired male had a smile ghost over his lips. "Tamaki likes the club to cosplay to entertain the customers. Everyone is acting as a worker in a police department, I take it that you're not satisfied with your costume?"

"Hell no." I furrowed my eyebrows. "I know I'm not good at first impressions, but is it much to ask not to be played of as a stereotype?"

"Eh? Is Row-chan not dressing up?" A childish voice said. Let's see if I remember his name.

"Sorry Honey-senpai, I-"

"Of course he is!"

Oh no.

"If he wants to be a member of our club, he must be a team player! You can't be selfish, Rowan! Think of the ladies! You must entertain them with the same enthusiasm as the rest of us-"

Tamaki.

I tune out his voice and just stare. I wonder how long it takes until he has to take a breath.

"Tamaki, I'm not wearing this dumb costume."

He freezes and looks at me. The twins gasp. Is everyone here dramatic? He sighs and snaps his fingers. What-?

My arms are grabbed by two of the twins, pulling me to the dressing rooms. My feet slide on the floor while I try and wiggle free.

"Let go!" I shriek like a child. I haven't starting kicking and screaming just yet.

"Nope!"

They throw me into the changing room. No way are they changing me. Does anyone have boundaries here? I'm going to be forced to wear this outfit, aren't I? I sigh. "Get out!" I push them out of the changing room, they already managed to take off my jacket and undo my tie.

I kicked them out at the right time. The costume lied on the bench on a hanger. I'm not happy about this. I unbutton my shirt. I feel unsafe changing at school. I take off the shirt one sleeve at a time. I was watching everyone of my movements as if I wasn't in even my own body.

Each time one limb moved I made sure to breath in and out. I'm pushing myself. I'm not good with crowds or people, but now I have to get used to it.

I have to get used to it.

I have to get used to it.

I have to get used to it.

I have to get used to it.

I have to get used to it.

* * *

"Rowan, get over here!" Hikaru called me over, all the hosts were in position like when I came in.

"Stand next to Kyoya and welcome the girls who opens the door. Look enthusiastic!" Tamaki was _overly_ enthusiastic, all of his movements were animated like a cartoon character.

"...Whose Kyoya again?" I ask.

I hear a sigh from my right, I could tell that he tried to hold it back. "I take it that its you, right?" I look at the male with the glasses. "Sorry. Didn't mean to be rude. When I mean to its way more obvious."

Before he could respond, the door began to open. I scurred over to the right of him and did as Tamaki said.

My eyes fell down from the huge wooden doors that tower over every student who enters, but my eyes fell even longer then they would have too for the average high school student. Two blonde pigtails entered my view, connected to a pair of large blue eyes. A little girl.

Shock over took my face before anyone else reacted, before the little girl even opened her mouth.

"Male Harem?"

We stood confused while we looked down upon the short girl whose finger was pointing at us. Her blonde pigtails and pink outfit adding to the adorable effect she was giving off, contrasting what word came from her mouth "Haha, oh dear, the water from that pool I swam in at the end of the summer must still be in my ears" Tamaki tapped his head in disbelief.

It was uncarateristc to see him almost at a loss for words, but then again he is still acting dramatic.

"Don't be silly inspector general, she's not miss Renge." Who? "A little girl like her could never utter an adult word like 'Harem'" The twins say, laughing awkwardly as well with a wavering voice.

.

.

.

"Debauchery?"

.

.

.

Okay, wow, I'm even a bit stunned. How old is this girl? Can she stop pointing? Oh-OHHH now she's pointing at everyone individually. Calling the twins 'Incest', Haruhi, 'Nerd', Honey, 'lolita', Mori, 'Stoic, me, 'Foreign', and Kyoya 'Megane.'

Wait, whats megane mean?

Them Tamaki gets on one knee, at eye level for the other girl, pointing at himself. Waiting for a rude title as if it was a good thing. God, he always needs to be the center of attention-

"Brother?!"

What.

The little girl jumps up at hugs Tamaki. Everyone proceeds to freak out because what, Tamaki has a little sister? I hold back on rolling my eyes.

Okay, I get it now. The girl is just confused and now Tamaki has grown attached like a puppy. I side shuffle to Haruhi and whispered, "Is this normal?"

"Yep." Was the response I got. Man, this guy looks like the most feed up with the 'kings' antics. I should work on getting on their good side, I wouldn't mind having them as a friend.

I side shuffle again back to Kyoya and nudge him. "Hey, Kyoya, what does 'megane' mean?"

"It a word that can be used to describe a man with glasses." He said, "I thought you were fluent in Japanese."

"I-I am, I just never heard that term before, I don't think it translates into Spanish or English."

He looked surprised or interested...I think? "If you have any other questions, I can answer them. Right now, however, It may be best if we keep an eye on the current situation."

"Uh yea, agreed." I throw myself back into the conversation.

"The Nekozawa family are ancestors of the Russian tokarev dynasty-" And bla bla bla. Two more people came into the room earlier, a maid , a clocked guy, and a..security officer? I think? Talking about stuff I can't even force myself to care about. I began to zone out while the maid talks. I don't care! This is boring.

I thought this club entertained ladies, I must be confused, cause the only people who came in so far is two old people and a little kid. I lean on the wall my my arms crossed close to my body, staying out of the commotion to the best of my ability. I stare vacantly at the wall across the room, my eyelids half closed going in and out of my thoughts, I vaguely stay in touch with reality.

After the cloaked man runs out, Kyoya puts a finger to his own chin, "Nekozawa always did take an interest in Tamaki for some reason," He said, piping Tamaki's interest even more. "Maybe he idolizes you because you are his sisters ideal image of a brother..."

"..." Tamaki's attitude immediately changes from playful to serious, "Mori, Secure Nekozawa!"

Mori dashes towards the gloomy male. The club goes into immediate chaos. Darkening the room as fast as possible. I shuffle to Kyoya again, he was on the phone cancelling all customer appointments.

"Kyoya? Another question"

'Go head. I'm on hold"

"Should I help out and try to care..?"

"No. It'll be irrelevant after a day, which is when Tamaki will think he fixed the problem." My eyes spark up, I clasp both of my hands together instinctively, and smiled.

"Sweet. Can change out of this dumb thing now then?"

He looked amused and answered. "Leave your custome in the dressing room."

"Finally. Thanks" I smiled and escaped from the cesspool of nonsense.

"Ah, wait one moment. We have to pose again." He said with a sigh. I was confused. But woah-wait, how did they call get in position so fast.

**"We're not your brothers, we're the police!"**

I'm so lost on what's going on. Context would be nice. I should have been paying attention.

"Hey, what about me? I'm not the police."

Haruhi himself looked so done. But I had to ask.

But my question wasn't answered and I was already talked over. Good thing to know my input is so valued.

"Our mission is to rescue students in distress!" Is it? Shit, I didn't know that. They're doing a shit job. Maybe they should change their objective, Tamaki probably doesn't know half the shit he's saying. "It's a huge problem if mutually affectionate siblings can't be near each other!"

"Nekozawa!" He was held by his arms by Mori and looked absolutely terrified. Poor dude." You will be acclimated to the light, one step at a time! And simultaneously, under my private tutelage..."

"You will cultivate yourself to become Karimi's favorite princely character!"

Jesus. Tamaki really knows how to make the most simple things dramatic.

And thus, Nekozawa's hellish training began.

I took this opportunity to change into my regular school uniform. Maybe I could even escape without anyone noticing.

However, once did change, I walked back into the club room to grab my bag and. Uh.

"Is that a Haruhi doll in a..dress?" Why does Haruhi look even more done? Why is Tamaki looking into the dolls eyes like he's in love-OH and he just noticed Haruhi is actually there. He has a crush on Haruhi? Thats pretty cute. And now the twins are laughing and Tamaki is blushing.

That's pretty adorable.

I see Kyoya talking to Haruhi, the twins laughing, Tamaki crying from embarrassment, the environment its pretty playful and fun. Maybe I will stick around.

Then I noticed. Everyone is calling Haruhi by feminine pronouns. Maybe I should bring it up later, I don't want to misgender anyone. I know how it feels.

The door creaks open and the small girl stands in the entryway.

"Big brother!...Why is it dark?" She held a stuffed bunny on one hand, the rest of the club turn around in surprise at the girls sudden entrance

"Kirimi, I told you not to leave the waiting room" Haruhi showed distress in his face, despite not being the greatest with children, they still cared.

Tamaki ushered over to the suddenly crying girl, "What's wrong?" The tears in her eyes did the talking, he swooped her up in his arms, holding her up to his eye level. A warm, inviting smile gracing his face. "Look, it's not scary at all, right?"

The sight of the act of affection made even me feel oddly happy. I clenched my fist behind my back at the sudden emotion. But I didn't try to ignore it. I just didn't know how to respond to this kind of thing. But I was glad. I smiled.

Kirimi smiled too, laughing at what she thought was her older brother. Nekozawa looked almost hollow at the sight of his little sister growing closer to someone she thought was him.

Tamaki dropped her back down, turning back to the gloomy student. Changing to a more confident state. "Okay! Nekozawa, let's work on your posture some more!" Tamaki began to show example. Saying, 'angle the hands like this' and 'keep your back straight.' But he was talking so fast that even I couldn't keep up if I wanted to.

Nekozawa muttered, 'Y-yes, yes' to everything the host had to tell him. It was admirable.

Then Haruhi when back to reading to the small girl and everyone went back to their positions.

I stay back, watching all the scenes unfold. I don't know how to interact. Everyone here seems to already be friends.

My feet dance with anxiety. I wish my first day I was actually entertaining ladies. Then I would have been occupied. Maybe I should leave. But then I shouldn't. Ah, past me would kill me for feeling this way.

I fall deeper into my thoughts. Diving into all my insecurities. This is stupid. I fidget with my hands. Every limb on my body felt awkward. I would scratch the back of my neck or hold my arm to try and feel comfortable. It doesn't work.

I look up at the odd silence and the gasps from the rest of the club.

They did it.

Nekozawa was in the light. Well, within the flash light.

It's not that big of an accomplishment. As Kirimi opened the door once again, I left at the same time.

I hear the bravo's from outside the room. I'll get acquainted with everyone. But just...not yet. Being in the same club as someone doesn't mean instant friends. You have to earn it. If it is an instant friendship then it just doesn't feel the same.

At least, that's how I see it.

Another step down the staircase. And another, and another, another, another.

I should start working out again.

That would keep my mind off of stuff.

Yeah.

It's sounds like a plan. Good job inner me. You're pretty swell when you're not being depressing.

I shake my head. This is why I need friends. Talking to myself. Really. I sigh and look to my sides, the pink walling is replaced with equally ridiculous windows. This sky is now orange and pink as I look outside through the windows while I walk. I see the dust in the air while I pass though the sunlight though the windows. My feet click against the marble as I walk through the hallways alone. I smile to myself, even though I felt emotionally sick all through the day, I got through it. I finished the day.

I push open one door quietly to the outside, free of the pink walls and pretentious rich kids that flood my eye sockets and my ears. One the wind and nature are allowed in my brain now. I breath in and out. Then I took another step out. I'm free. Until tomorrow, of course.

My smile turns into a giggle, then into a full laugh. My arms spread over my head, tomorrow won't be as bad, then after that it'l be even better and better.

"Nekozawa!" I turn to my left and bend my knees in a defensive manner, glass fell to the side walk before I even saw a body land. My smile disappeared alone with my arms returning back to my sides. I break into a sprint to where he landed, but slowed once I saw the situation. He was holding his little sister, shielding her from a cat.

Fuck it this is way to dramatic for me I'm going home.

But first I need to get my first pin for my backpack.

Yea.


	4. Covered

TELL ME HOW IM MESSING UP IN THE REVIEW THING

ALSO LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT ANY SCENARIOS ADDED IN.

* * *

Sweat drips from my forehead to my cheeks to my neck. My arms shake as I lift them up once again, letting out a long awaited breath as I did so. Slowly, they came back down, inhale and repeat. My lips chapped from breathing from my mouth, my tongue anhydrous, my heart racing. Almost there, I've almost made it. Inhale, I hold my breath and scrunch my eyes closed, lifting my arms that felt like jelly once more. My hands slipping over the melt bar holding the weights. My elbows lock, I pushed it all the way up. I lick my lips in the fruitless hope to moisturize them even slightly.

"H-help?" I croak out, opening on eye. I hear an 'shit' from my left ear, foot steps jogging over to me, a gruff masculine voice rings. My senses come back to me as the smell of sweat and plastic enter my nostrils.

Gyms always smell horrible.

"Sorry there, got distracted." He says, holding the metal pole for me and placing it down. I sit up from my lying down position and hunch over, my cheeks flushed and body almost drenched in sweat. I scratch the back of my head and relax my eyes and muscles. "I have to say, didn't expect some kid like you to lift so much. You must be really ripped underneath that giant sweatshirt."

"Ahah, nah man," I say with horse breath, "I'm pretty average. Almost below average. But I still think I could beat you in a fight."

"Nice joke," He replies with a grin, "Need a towel?"

"Please" I say nearly breathless and I fall back to my previous position, but less tense than before.

He turns around to get me a towel, leaving me temporarily alone. I rub my face and groan. Saturday morning, five a.m. Apparently we have a personal gym in at home. I just had to ask a maid if there was a gyms near by and-poof, I looked like an idiot. She just made one quick call and got me a trainer. Then, this morning I was woken up and throw here. I'm so tired as sweaty. It's gross.

My eyes strain as I look through them, all I want is to take a nap now. Not eat breakfast. shower, or go to school later. I think I might make this a thing though. Working out in the morning, that is. Sleeping it self is already difficult, so waking up so early isn't too bad, just something I have to get used to. While I work out, I can't think of anything. My worries are pushed out of my mind, shit feelings and shit memories flee.

Also, it's a healthy thing.

Yea.

Wait-

Taken aback by the white cotton covering my face unanticipatedly, I nearly roll off the bench. I pull it off my head with one hand, a frustrated face is revealed. It's *my* frustrated face. A little warning would have helped.

"Really Senpai?" I grumble, I still use the towel to wipe away my sweat, but I still showed rebellion in my face.

"It's not Senpai-It's Sensei. I'm your teacher." He says.

"Psh, no way. I'll recognize that your older then me, but you've taught me absolutely nothing." I grin while I speak. A playful tone dancing on my tongue. His masculine, bold, face makes it difficult to see any emotion rather than anger, but I was able to see a small smile on his lips as well.

"I'll be sure to teach you something tomorrow. You'll be scared to even think the word 'Senpai' around me."

"New goal: Beat the shit out of Senpai."

He rubs his face and lets out a rough, deep, laugh. "Go take a shower and get ready for school, kiddo." He said, "I'm about done dealing with an asshole teen like you."

I shoot a glare at him while I arise from the bench, but the minute he makes eye-contact with me I laugh. I put the towel behind my neck and wave goodbye. I really should get ready for school now.

* * *

I look in the reflection in my spoon while a maid puts another plate in front of me. Silence is drenching the room with a thick tension that has overstayed its welcome. This giant table is in front of me, but all the chairs are empty.

The empty walls loam over me, the high ceiling looks down at me. The single chandelier drapes down, providing the only light in the room. The sky still dark from the early morning.

"Maid?" I ask, leaning forward in my chair, my eyes half closed.

"Yes, young master?" She responds.

"When will Mr and Mrs-My parents-I mean, return?" The words stay frozen on my tongue, wondering if I should actually ask or if asking would make me look needy.

"I haven't heard anything from them yet, however I can contact them and ask on your behave." She answers my question with smile, not thinking anything of it.

"Nah, I can-" I put the spoon into the bowl of oatmeal, tired of my own face, "-I can just wait it out. It would be more exciting that way, right?" I wanted to tell her to stop smiling. But that would be too cold even for me.

"Of course young master. Would you like a ride to school today?"

I pick the spoon up, full of the gross breakfast I've been served and shoved it in my mouth. I didn't care enough to actually ask for anything specific. Chew, Chew, chew, swallow. Swig of milk. The maid looks away while I take my time. I answer. "No."

"If you need anything else, master, let me know." Then she was out of the room. Still, I wonder what happened to the rude maid who stole my pillow. I should ask later. I lost my chance now, the nice one is already gone. Another day, though.

I pile another spoonful of oatmeal in my mouth. The silence engulfing me.

* * *

Chatter is heard throughout the music room. It's a normal day, thank god. Thank god it's also Friday. I'll have two days to myself, before I'm thrown back into the pink colored jail and force to wait until Friday once again. I stand near the corner, I have a few customers coming in later. I see all the hosts romancing all the girls, it was second nature to them. Their smiles create a warm atmosphere, making it impossible for even the most awkward of ladies to feel uncomfortable.

I take a step away from my corner, walking with the intent on getting a better glimpse of Haruhi's style of 'woo-ing'. As much as I hate to say it, flirting is not my forte. Even if someone just winks at me I become a blushing mess. I'm not used to it. Haruhi seems to be the most down to earth person out there too. I wouldn't mind learning from them. Or even just getting to know them.

I stop behind a potted plant, gaining the perfect angle to see the younger student entertain the girls. He sits at a table, three girls circle around him.

"_Really? What recipe is the most difficult for you?"_

"_Probably Sashimi Napoleon. Half of the struggle is just finding the ingredients." _He speaks with a natural spark on his lips. "_Of course, it's worth the effort. I feel like my mom would be proud of me for challenging myself."_

They're mom? Is she...dead or something? They really play that sympathy card well. Props to them, I don't think I could ever do anything like that. They must be strong. Is it wrong to say that I'm jealous?

"**Rowan!"**

I jump at the sudden yell of my name, I turn swiftly to the source. I furrow my eyebrows and try to speak with as much venom as possible, even though my heart was still racing. "W-What is it Tamaki?" That was a failure. Stuttering is the least intimidating thing ever. Tamaki was on the couch, surrounded by women on both sides of him. Women sitting in surrounding chairs as well just to talk to him. I huff, "Well?"

"Why are you just staring at Haruhi? Be productive!"

Like he's one to talk. "I was just trying to see how they entertained everyone. Flirting or whatever isn't really my thing." I say, "And don't yell at me next time! Scared the shit out of me!"

He was frozen from a moment. I was almost scared, my hands find their way to my pockets as I didn't want to start ripping off my nails. But then his eyes sparked up and nearly jumped up. Well, it's wasn't nearly. He did jump up. His hands clasp my shoulders.

"You just had to tell me that! I will be your mentor, Rowan!" He spoke like a hero, even though he was anything from far from it.

"That isn't really necessary. I can just shadow some people-"

"Take a seat, take a seat! I'll coach you through it!"

"Woah woah-" He was already pushing me to the couch. "I have a customer later-"

I was already plopped down in his previous spot. "When you get stuck I'll help. Ladies, you wont mind, would you?"

They shake their head and smile. I sit looking down at my feet, silence finding its spot with me"So, did you grow up in Mexico?" One girl asked, breaking the silence, the question must have been on her mind for a while. It seemed like she wanted to ask ealier.

I scratch my check and avoid eye contact. "No, my mom immigrated from Mexico to the U.S. before I was born."

Shock is plastered on their faces, they rumors they heard and what I just said no longer make sense. "Why are you in Japan now?"

Play the sympathy card. If Haruhi could do it, I could do. Just... in a different way. My wounds are still fresh, it would be like pouring lemon juice into a paper cut if I even say that my mom is (probably) dead. "Mr. and Mrs. Kurosawa were kind enough to adopt me" I say, "I don't think I can dive into why I was up for adoption, It'll bring down the mood too much, you ladies deserve to smile."

They gave me looks of sympathy, and I didn't like it. I don't want sympathy. "Jesus, please don't give me that look! See, I'm happy?" I flex, trying to change their attention "Look at these huge muscles, I can punch away all those emotions." I laugh at my own stupidity. I'm seriously tiny. Like, no actual muscle is on my body.

Kind of pathetic.

The girls giggle at the sight. I stop and awkwardly scratch the back of my neck like a nervous habit. "I gotta say though, the food is so much more different here. I never traveled before, let alone eat eat any meals that weren't pre-packaged. Someone should have told me all the good food was here."

"_Really?"_

"_Pre-packaged food, isn't that illegal?" _

"_What's pre-packaged food?"_

While they talk, I glance at Tamaki. His fist is at his mouth, holding back on speaking.

"Tamaki-?"

"I had no idea you were once a commoner like Haruhi!" He exclaimed, "That's why you were staring at her earlier! You have so much in common!"

He grabbed me and pulled me into a huge while spinning around. It took a minute to process what he was doing. "Gross, gross, let me go!"

He didn't hear my calm protest.

"Tamaki, let go."

He didn't hear again.

I stomp on his foot.

Now I have his attention. He holds his foot in his hand, yelling 'ow, ow, ow'. Cartoonish tears tease from his eyes, his face acting like I just said the worst insult ever.

"I have actual customers coming in right about now. If you could give me any useful tips after seeing my performance?"

Hikaru and Kaoru come up behind me. When did they even get here? They to have powers of transportation or something. For the short time I've known them, they've show up at the worst of times. "You're a pretty violent guy." They say in unison. "But **we** can _definitely _give you tips."

"Huh-"The scene changes suddenly, my focus changes from Tamaki, the king, to the two mischievous devils. My feet slide on the marble floors and my body is easily pushed back into a chair by the two, I almost feel winded. How they got a chair behind me so fast, I have no idea. It's like dark magic.

"You have to make their heart race.." Hikaru holds my chin in their hands, tilting upwards and speaking softly, but maintain that menacing look in his eyes. I bite my tongue and gulp. My eyes wide open at the close contact.

A fingertip is felt ghosting on my neck, it was the other twin. "Make them feel like they're the only one in the room," He whispers in my ear, speaking just as softly as the other.

Nope.

I jump up from my seat, pushing Hikaru away from me. My face beet red. I hold it in my hands. "That was horrible." I say, my heart was racing, and I did feel like I was alone. It was embarrassing.

They spring over to me, there faces bored and empty. "Do you want us to try again?" One said, "I think we did quite good."

"No. Nope. Never again." I say. I almost wanted to hide in a corner. I'd rather talk to Tamaki then them, no matter how annoying he is.

"I never expected you to be a homosexual, Rowan" One twin laughs. Hikaru was the one that probably said it, and I was still in shock and didn't even think to well, think before I spoke.

My eyes peek through my hands and shoot them a glare. " I'm bisexual-but that has nothing to do with my embarrassment!" The silence was mostly from the ladies. The blushing female customers stare at me in shock. I guess this new information makes the scene that played out a bit more...I don't know the word for it.

"Really?" The twins pull out the word longer than it needed to be, standing on either side of me. "That makes things _alot_ more interesting."

"Come on guys, leave him alone." Haruhi turns around in his seat, looking at the two boys, disappointed. "He's already uncomfortable as it is."

I mouth a 'thank you' over to him, I owe him one.

"Come on, we're just messing with him!" One redhead says.

"Yea, It's all in good fun!" The other finishes.

"You already made him miss his two customers." Haruhi says. Wait-what? God damnit!

"What? No way!" I exclaim. "I'm so fucking done." I run my hands through my hair, letting out a long sigh while doing so. I just want to go home. My headaches and is begging me to find silence and a dark room. My eyes hurt, feet hurt, and my heart hurts after it ran a marathon. "Please tell me it isn't always like this?" I mutter to myself.

Haruhi smiled, hearing what I said. "You'll get used to it, promise."

"I don't know if I want to." I reply, quieter this time. "What about the two customers I missed?"

"It'll be a small fee, nothing you won't be able to pay." I suddenly notice that Kyoya actual..existed. I paid no attention to him earlier. I need to become more aware of not just my self, but of my surroundings. "35661.0 yen. Pocket change, really"

I would have to ask my parents for that money. I haven't even met them yet. I sigh. "I can pay you later on, right?"

"Of course, I doubt you will have to work it off like Haruhi, but it is an option. Mr. and Mrs. Kurosawa have been travel all this year and haven't met you yet, so it is understandable that you don't want to ask them for money."

Like Haruhi? I should ask them about that later, along with their gender. "You're seriously creepy." I say. How does he know that? I shouldn't think too much on it, not everything needs to have an explanation. "I'll pay you back. Now shut up." 35661.0 yen, that's 300.00 American dollars, right? Jesus. How is that pocket change? I could buy a used car with that money.

I look around the room, most girls have already left, safe for a few groups. "...I'm going to the bathroom" I say, leaving the loud clubroom. I really want to get used to this. I could have fun. I take out my phone from my pocket while I walked. The hallways were quiet, not a soul in sight. My feet click on the floor, on hand in my pocket while the other held my phone. I don't have any apps on it yet, wow. My old one was flooded with them, no space left. I head down the stairs.

Actually.

I think I'm just going to leave.

My bag is in my homeroom.

I can just leave. When I walk down the stairs I walk with a small jump is my step. I can add another pin to my collection, I have two currently. One from the day where the club helped Nekozawa and the other from the next day when the club was so busy I could just sit by window and chat up one or two ladies casually.

Chat up as in, not flirting at all. Not winking or eye contact. Just laughing when I feel like laughing, I didn't laugh when their jokes weren't funny and I didn't smile when I wasn't happy with what they said. That isn't the point of the club.

Down another hallway I go, empty just like the others. Third door down. I stare at my lock screen, swiping left and right with no actual idea of what I'm doing. I'm trying to avoid people that aren't even here.

Click, click, click.

I slide open my classroom door, all the lights are off. The dark, gloomy, inviting room takes me in. My eyes feel ease and my heart truly slows down from my adrenaline. I walk to my desk through the sea of desks.

I stop at stare at my desk, the still air falling on my shoulders. I become hyper aware of my body as my thoughts yell in my head. I exhale. I hate this. So much is going on and I just need to breath. I'm going to graduate from here. I have to live my whole life with new parents. New friends. I have to make this work. I can't run away all the time. I shouldn't be so afraid. What's the worse that could happen? Me dieing?

I should tell them the truth. If I want this to work, If I want friends, I have to be honest. I need to tell them my fear, ask for their understanding. That's how friendships work, right?I grab my back and sling it around my shoulder.

I take a breath.

I turn around and pick up my pace much faster than before to go back to the club room. I see the last of the customers flood through the stairway, finally exiting the building. I stand outside of the music room once again. I take a breath once again and open the door. They're just standing around talking and joking, not bothering to actually clean up. I don't know what I was expecting.

"Oh, Rowan, you came back. We thought you just left early like the last two times." Kyoya says from behind his clip board. "We were planning on talking to you about that today, but I guess we don't have to anymore."

I dodged a bullet on that one, didn't I?

"Oh, ahah, yea. Sorry." I say, "I actually want to talk about something." I look away while I talk, I try to look like I wasn't scared to talk. The conversation the others were having died down.

"Well? Hurry up." Hikaru says. The rest of the club stares at me. Okay. I got this.

"I'm not used to being in clubs or even trying to have friends. The last friend I had was in middle school-not that I'm trying to use any excuses or anything." I say, "I do want to try to be everyones friend, despite me acting like a dick."

Silence found me once again today, so far I feel like that's my only friend.

"I uh, wanted to apologize for being rude, basically." I follow up.

"We understand, Rowan, " Haruhi pipes up, a warm, inviting smile is on their face, suddenly I felt like me and him were the only two in the room. I feel like I now know what Hikaru and Kaoru were trying to explain earlier. "You don't need to be sorry. There's nothing to be sorry about. If you thought you've been rude, well, you were anything but. Not wanting to deal with Tamaki and avoiding the shenanigans of the twins is something I do all the time."

I feel like a load has been taken off my shoulders. I smile. "Thank you, Haruhi."

"What? You shouldn't want to avoid daddy!" Tamaki shrieked, cartoonish tears streaming down his face. How dramatic. I stand in my place as Tamaki clings to Haruhi's side.

"Did he say...daddy?"

My question remained unanswered.

But I was happy.

"Boss, come on! At least say something about what Rowan said."

Tamaki's eyes sparked up once again today, regaining his composure and then pointing to me. The whole club took a step back. A hero like aura radiates from him, creating an intense situation that's unneeded and way too hyped up. His eyes are fierce and full of passion, not joking at all while he spoke. "Rowan! I acknowledge your apology. And in response, operation 'Get to know Rowan' Is now in effect!"

"What?"

I take it back. I'm not happy. Things can't be simple, can they?

"Only having one friend? That's insane! This club is a family, no secrets or fears allowed. Due to you transferring into the school late, we need to catch up on lost time." He said, full of confidence. He turns and points to the ceiling, emphasizing his point. "Tomorrow we will go to a commoners Karaoke house, a true act of a new friendship!"

Hikaru and Kaoru look excited. Honey is pre-occupied with eating cake, Mori silent as usual. Kyoya silent as well. Haruhi, 100% done. "Really- that isn't necessary-" I put my hands up in defense, a slightly embarrassed look on my face.

"It's too late, once he has an idea in mind theres no going back." Kyoya says to me like it was common sense.

"Rowan! Give me your phone!"

"Uh-okay, uh, one second-" I pull it out of my pocket, complying with whatever he said just to get this whole ordeal over with. I hand it to him. He types at a insane speed. Almost was felt like minutes. He look back up at me from the screen. "Rowan!"

"Yes?"

"What's your password?!" He spoke so much seriousness despite the funny situation.

"Uh-" I scratch my cheek. "4200"

"GOT IT"

No one laughed. I guess shitty marijuana jokes don't really transfer over. That's a slight relief. Within a second he hands my phone back. I take it back with slight surprise and put it back into my pocket without hesitation. "I'm guessing you put your number in my phone?"

"I put everyone in the club's number-excluding Haruhi-She doesn't have a cell, in your phone." He said, "I also saved your number in my phone. I'll text you tomorrow morning where we're meeting!"

He called Haruhi a girl again. "Uh, gotcha. Not too early though right?" I say, "My routine takes forever." Routine as in work out. I wake up fabulous, lets be honest.

"No." Kyoya answered my question that wasn't directed towards him. Not a morning person then?

"And no to karaoke too." Haruhi says.

"We'll..talk about the details later than." Tamaki answered in a gloomy tone. I guess he wanted to start tomorrow off immediately. I hold onto the strap of my bag across my chest.

"So...are we good to go? I can leave now, right?" I ask.

I need to get another pin.


	5. hey look plot

**do you guys like long chapters or do you want me to slim it down?**

**tell me what you like and don't like in the reviews**

**thanks**

_**oh snap this is a line break**_

You stare out from your doorway. Sun. Birds. Talking. Bugs. Elderly.

Sixth time's the charm. Is that still a saying? You don't remember. You remember your breakfast after your first death, what you wanted to do on the second, that last person you talked to on your third, your last thought on your fourth, and you remember what outfit you wore on your last. You miss that outfit, you made it yourself, everyone loved it actually. Now your hands can't sew anything. Your hands can't do much of anything.

A list of death dates are on the back of your neck, your only reason for keeping your long hair now. You walk to another school, passing more faces that seem to blur together more and more. You don't know why, but you still smile.

Maybe you were given a broken placeholder.

You were born with the name Libertina, but now your name is Max.

_**oh snap this is a line break**_

"Hey, uh, excuse me."

"Of course, what is it Rowan?" A maid turned around and faced me, her hands full of towels, she still smiled and tilted her head so I could see her behind the shield of fabric.

I open my mouth but close it. Biting my lip before grabbing the top few towels from her pile. "Let me help, and don't say no." I say, giving a friendly smile. "Just lead the way."

"Of course young master."

The rest of the mansion was quiet. Only hearing the click of our shoes while we walked. She looked ahead with confidence. Her posture straight and her head up. I wonder why she's working here. She looks like shes ready to move on up the social ladder.

"I was wondering," I say, walking three steps behind her. She looks ahead still, not distracted. "What happened to that one older maid? Mid 40s I think? She woke me up for my first day of school not to long ago, she took my pillow?"

She looked up in thought, "Only me, Akira, and Hideki have the morning shift. I don't believe anyone besides from the cooks are over thirty either."

That's weird, it felt so real.I know I was woken up by someone else."Ah, I guess I was still sleeping or something..."

"Your first three weeks of school must have been stressful. Have you been sleeping through the night?" She asks.

I lie. "Yea, I sleep like the dead. I never had such a nice mattress before."

"Really? That's good to hear. I was worried. You're up so early today! It's only saturday, you know?"

"Ahah, the club finally agreed on a date to hangout. Saturday morning. Kyoya was not happy about it. Not a morning person I guess."

"What plans do you have, sir?"

I slightly cringe at sir. But I push it back. "One of those table top rpg arcades or something? They don't have them in America and they look neat. It's really lame, I know."

She smiled, it felt genuine. "Not at all, those game can be quite fun. I used to play dungeons and dragons with my older siblings all the time."

"Really? How many siblings do you have?"

_**oh snap this is a line break**_

A giant wardrobe looms over me. Like an ant to a human. Should I be scared? Or is it just useless?

This is the first time they're going to see me out of my uniform. I need to look nice, but not too nice. Baggy shirt and jeans it is. Or do I want to be a complete douche a wear a leather jacket too?

Fuck it I will. I tuck the front of my shirt into my pants loosely on my way out.

I jog down the stairs, a little bit in a rush. The maids wave goodbye as I wave with a smile back. They've become my close family. Even though they probably don't feel the same and just want a raise, I don't care. _Yes I do._

Shut up.

With the hard push I give the door, I get a hit of fresh air. I stop for a moment. Me in the doorway, my hand still on the door.

Tamaki sent me a text earlier, saying they would be here to pick me up right about...now. I told him I could get there myself, but he insisted we had to go as a group. He also used alot of exclamation points and emojis. He's always so energetic. I take out my phone and check the time again before taking my first official step out of the house, the heavy door falling back to place.

I look back up, another gust of wind passing by.

My mind is silent.

I can do this.

If I wasn't outside I would definitely punch the air or something dumb like that.

"Rowan! Hurry up, lets go!" I snap back to reality as I see the limo in front of me.

"Hikaru, please don't yell"

"Eheh, sorry." I say, opening the car door and sitting closest to the window next Haruhi. Mori, Honey, Tamaki, Haruhi, Hikaru, and Kaoru where all here, that's everyone but one person. "Where's Kyoya?"

"We're picking him up last..." Kaoru said, avoiding eye contact. Everyone in the limo expect Haruhi looked away as well. A gloomy feeling overtaking the car.

The driver pulled out of my driveway, definitely speeding as well. "Kyoya isn't really a morning person...But we can still wake him up!" Tamaki said, his eyes with a dull sparkle. He didn't even believe himself.

Ahah.

_**oh snap this is a line break**_

"Can I stay in the car?"

"No! Come on Rowan, this is a team effort!" Kaoru pushes me out of the car, I whine the entire time. From what they acted like when I asked about Kyoya, I don't want to be anywhere near him when he wakes up.

"Haruhi, save me." I say through a sigh.

"It can't be that bad, besides, we can just stand outside of his bedroom door. Avoid the actual 'danger'" They spoke with a natural smile, but then I actually noticed how feminine they dressed. How they stood and how they had such long lashes.

"Good idea." I say, scratching the back of my head smiling as well. I follow the group into the Ootori household. Tamaki being the one to knock on the door, the whole group being the ones who made the maid confused.

I assume his parents are out, the hallways are quiet and empty. Just like mine.

I walk at the end of the group with Haruhi.

I turn my head, "Just so I don't get it wrong or anything, what uh," _You can do it,_ "What pronouns do you prefer?."

They look somewhat surprised by my question, the rest of the group not hearing. "I'm neutral with it. You can call me a boy or a girl, all that matters is what's on the inside is what I think." They speak with confidence and I respect that.

It makes me more comfortable with them now. Someone whose fluid with their sexuality just like me, and they're open about it."I'm-"

"-SHH, we have to get in his room silently, then we can force him up." Tamaki rudely interrupted, holding a finger up to his mouth, his other hand on the door knob. I take a step back, as does Haruhi.

"Nope!" The twins grab me by the arms, "You have to help" They say in unison.

"Why can Haruhi stay outside the door?"

They look at me with no answer. Tamaki opens the door and they drag me along regardless. His room is huge, it could be a house on its own. He even has a second half level. Is this really necessary.

They step closer and closer to his bed, me being dragged along still. "NOW" Tamaki exclaims, him and the twins jump him. Pulling him out of bed.

Suddenly a cold aura fills the room. Hunny and Mori, standing a safe distance away notice. Hunny was quick to jump on Mori's back to escape. Oh god, is it really that bad? I don't want to die.

I look over the bed. The lifeless thing lying in it was actually Kyoya.

"Leave."

"No! We agreed to go to the arcade today, remember?"

"I didn't agree to it."

Tamaki frowns,

Suddenly the twins rise to action,"Rowan! Grab cloths from his dresser, hurry!" They start taking off his pajamas. I take a second to realise he was talking to me and I run over to his dresser quickly. Sweat dripping from my forehead despite how dumb this situation really is.

"Uhhh" What does Kyoya wear? I open the next drawer underneath it. "uUUHHHH" More options to choose from, this makes this situation even more difficult. This feels like a quick time event in a video game. To bad I cant press triangle.

"Rowan, what's the hold up?!" Tamaki asks.

"How much clothing does one guy need?" I mutter to myself, my heart racing even faster because of the adrenalin racing through my veins. Grabbing the first pair of jeans and shirt I see, I turn back to the mess of teens and chuck the clothing to them.

"Thanks!"

I really don't to be here. I stand afar from the commotion, being content with being a bystander.

Note: Stay away from Kyoya. Probably the most terrifying creature alive.

_**oh snap this is a line break**_

The game ended with Tamaki crying, Honey forgetting about the game and eating cakes, Kyoya making a point to destroy everyone from the shadows(Causing his ultimate demise), the twins horrid attempts at cheating got caught every time, leading to them being kicked from the game, and Haruhi winning fair and square.

I got killed immediately in the game, I may or may not be salty about it still.

And it's only twelve o'clock.

"Uh, so this was fun."

"This game was dumb! It was rigged!" Hikaoru sunk into his chair with his arms crossed over his chest. Kyoya rested his head in his hands while Tamaki continued to cry on his shoulder.

"So I can leave now, right? Not trying to be mean or-"

"Nonsense! This is operation 'Get to know Rowan' we still don't know much of anything about you!" Tamaki snapped out of his meltdown, dramatically pointing his finger at me from across the table.

The waiter passed by us, a confused smile on his face when he saw the sight of a dumb group of teens. Some shitty indie music was playing in the background, not too many people playing board games right now, causing our voices to be the only ones heard.

"Oh, um-"

"How about rapid fire questions boss?"

"Yes! That's exactly what I was thinking"

I don't believe that Tamaki thinks.

"Let's start with Honey and go counter clockwise."

"uhh,-"

"Uhm, what's your favorite sweet?" That question was so obvious it almost hurt. But his eyes sparkled, it was too cute for me to be mean.

"Just plain a chocolate bar. Nothing wrong with the basics."

He looked slightly disappointed with my answer, but still smiled. Next was Mori, but Hikaru was quick to take his place before he even opened his mouth. "So if your bi," Oh no. "Have you been with girls and boys?"

"I, uh," I look away and take a breath. "Ignoring the fact that that was hella rude, kind of? The only person I dated was agender"

He nods, no judgment apparent on his face.. Does he know what non-binary is? I suddenly feel bad for assume what he does or doesn't know.

I don't know why I assume the worst in people.

"What are your hobbies?" Kaoru asked, breaking the silence I didn't notice.

"Oh, I used to do a lot of sculpting back at my old school after hours, I guess that was a hobby." I think for another moment."I uh, think thats it"

I look down at my lap, embarrassed. I used to dance, but I don't feel like...letting that information in the open. This whole situation feels forced. When people make friends, don't they just find out stuff about them along the way?

"How have you been adjusting to Japan?" Haruhi. Thank god, one person to ask a normal question, a question I can actually answer without questioning myself.

"I mean, there are a lot more plants and stuff. Everything is...alive? And well kept. It's really clean compared to my hometown" I say, "A down side might me...I miss speaking English and Spanish ,and I miss the small things back home, but that just comes with moving, I think."

I wanted to mention the lack of bomb shelters, but the words refused to come out of my mouth.

"Where did you live?" Kaoru's interest was piped. His head was propped up by his hand.

"Texas, pretty stereotypical, I know." I laugh after I speak. "My mom and me moved from California to Texas when I was...six I think? It was for her job, I don't remember quite what it was though." That's going to bother me.

"Do you know how to shoot a gun?" Hikaru asks. I laugh again, kind of awkwardly.

"Uh, yea. Only a couple of rifles though." I say, "Have you? I know guns are illegal or something here, but you've traveled before I assume."

"Pft, no way. He would accidentally shoot himself." Kaoru says, a grin on his face.

"Come on! Really Kaoru?!"

"I have to agree with Kaoru, Hikaru." Haruhi says though a laugh.

"Could Hikaru even hold a gun?" Honey asks.

Hikaru slammed his hand down on the table, obviously meant in a joking manner. "I swear to god." The coke spilled all over my crotch. I look down at the mess, then back up at the trouble maker. "Well isn't this just fucking dandy,"

I sit up immediately, it already dripping down my legs. I sigh and run a hand through my hair, "I'll be back," I say, a minor hiccup I guess. The day has been okay so far. If this is the worst that happens, then I'm happy.

_**oh snap this is a line break**_

"I feel like he's still holding back"

"Yea. Something's definitely off." Tamaki sat back in his seat, a troubled look on his face. "I don't know what to do, I'm at a lost"

"That's a first boss" Kaoru says, "We saw him show his true colors during his first week I think. He went on a rant about kicking puppies or something because he was 'totally hardcore' then ran off because he was embarrassed."

"Can you blame him? He's uncomfortable" Haruhi says, a look of disapproval covering her face. "I'm looking at you, Hikaru, asking him about his sexuailty so abrupty was rude. Along with harassing him at school, he seems more sensitive with that stuff. You _and _Kaoru need to lay off"

"Oh come on," Hikaru started,

"We haven't been bothering him _that _much." Kaoru finished the sentence for him.

"I've been trying to do my research on him, but getting past the security he has set up is more difficult than originally thought." Kyoya spoke up, then yawned.

"You can't find anything about him?" Haruhi asks. Surprised at this news.

"Other than his date of birth and name, no." He leans back, "It's frustrating, I have more people working on it now."

"I wonder why his family wants it hidden." Honey says. Mori nods.

Tamaki opened his mouth to begin thinking out loud, but then he paused. Kyoya looks at his friend through the corner of his eye, knowing what he was thinking.


	6. New Encounters

Hikaru and Rowan will become fucking best friends I swear even if it kills me.

_A small home, two bedrooms and one bath. A fan blowing as the window to a room painted red lets light shine through. Sitting with my legs crossed, staring at my feet. It's hard to stop thinking when you can't make background noise. "Max, I'm leaving, get ready for school" The gruff voice fades, the door slams. _

_I stand up, my body cracking as my blood begins to flow again. Leaving my bedroom and entering the kitchen, I grab a pot from the cabinet and fill it with water. Pasta is the easiest thing to make. I turn on the gas stove, watching the blue flames flicker until a solid flow began._

_The pot almost boils over, I snap out of my thoughts and turn the stove down. Grabbing the pasta from the cabinet and pour it in. I push my thin black hair behind my ears as I stare at the pasta being engulfed by the water._

_While the pasta cooks, I get ready._

_School uniforms are hard to make cute, even if they're sailor uniforms. I braid my hair in the mirror, staring at myself through my red framed glasses. I sit up, content with my work, and head back to the now ready pasta._

_Happy breakfast._

~`o`~

"No fair, give it back!"

Today its bright, not a cloud in sight. Class went in the blink of an eye. Club is about to start in a couple of minutes. Instead of getting things ready or anything, the devil decides to fuck me over.

"Why would you need your phone during club, Rowan?" The twins grin as Hikaru holds my phone just out of my reach.

"I wasn't even using it, It was in my pocket," I say with a huff. "Just give it back" Karuo stands next to his brother, what a jackass.

"Hmm," Hikaru looks up in thought, "...Nope!"

It's annoying how they're taller than me, I stand on the tips of my toes trying to reach. God, this is humiliating. "Oh look, you got a text! Let's see who it's from?" They laugh, this was all in good fun. They're not trying to bully me, I know that. But it _still pisses me off. _

I jump up this time in an attempt to get it, but Hikaru just switched hands. "I swear to god, I'm going to kill you."

Then he just laughs. Asshole. I huff again and jump up again, the cell phone in almost in my hand. Oh my god, I got it. I got this. I got this-

OH GOD I DON'T GOT THIS, I DON'T GOT THIS, ABORT MISSION ABORT I AM FALLING.

Hikaru falls backwards, shocked at me actually grabbing the phone, but pulling me down along with him.

But hey I got the phone.

Hashtag yolo am I right? Wait does yolo still apply to me?

I stopped myself from completely falling on him, my hand went outwards at the last second towards the ground, holding me up. In my other hand, however, was my phone.

I jump up before embarrassment could hit me. But for a split second it felt like everything was in slow motion.

"Ahah, suck my dickkk" I say, holding my phone with pride. I completely let my guard down. Recently at club I've been less anxious, I feel like I'm returning back to my old self. But sadly, I was torn away from my thoughts as I was back on the floor in a second, Hikaru fighting me for my phone.

"Accept-" I struggle, trying to keep my phone away from him, "-Defeat!"

"Never!" I grab his hair, kicking him in the stomach as well. I was actually laughing.

"Shouldn't we break them up?" Haruhi asked Kaoru, the rest of the club was not yet here. Which was definitely odd. Well, Honey and Mori coming in a little late is normal, with him taking naps and such. But Tamaki and Kyoya were no where to be found. Leaving no one in charge.

"Nah" Kaoru responds, "I think they're just...trying to be friends?"

"Huh."

Hikaru elbowed me in the rib, I still hold the hand with the phone away. "You will never win" I grumble out, a smile on my face. He was clearly getting frustrated. He shifted his leg, unintentionally kneeing me in the crotch. He obviously noticed his accidental cheap hit and expected a reaction.

Excepted I didn't. I was too caught up in the fight for it to register that ding, everyone thought I had a dick.

Once I did realized, it was too late. I could see a light bulb turn on in his head. During the fight we rolled over on the floor, and near the end I ended up on top of him, as he was earlier during the fight.

I coughed and got off, still holding the phone though. "We should stop fighting before Tamaki and Kyoya come back"

"Oh yea, where are they?" Kaoru asks, no one knew the answer. Club was starting soon too.

"Well, if they don't show up we have to improvise." I say.

"How about we just cancel club today?" Haruhi suggests.

"We've never done that before, think of how heart broken the ladies would be."

"I think they would survive," I say, "It's just one day."

"Kyoya and Tamaki couble be here any minute, and Honey and Mori are still coming as far as I know." Karou speaks with a bored tone, Hikaru sighs.

"Why are you so on bored with cancelling club?" Kaoru asks, not trying to be rude when asking. It's understandable.

"It was just a suggestion." I defend, "Tamaki has so many customers I don't think we could handle them."

"You underestimate us!" The twins say. Haruhi rolls her eyes with her arms folded. She's dealt with them longer then me, so I trust the tired look on her face

"I don't think so." I say, "Has anyone called them?" I ask. They both shake their heads. Haruhi rubs her head,

"I used Honeys phone earlier to call Tamaki, it went straight to voicemail."

I sigh. The twins don't.

It wasn't a couple of minutes. It was forty. Many girls left after hearing the our king was not present, but some stayed. Not all of them where our regulars either. Honey and Mori didn't end up showing up either. We all sat within talking range. It was a group conversation that in comparison to their other meetings, was very slow and chill.

"Rowan," On girl said, "How do you like the club so far?"

I think, I honestly don't know what to say. "It's something to do I guess." I say. "It's definitely a good thing though, I never got to talk to so many cute girls before."

"...Or boys." Hikaru said through a shit eating grin. Some of the girls laugh, the others blush.

I groan, but reply. "Or boys" I run a hand through my hair but laugh. "I'm sorry though, Hikaru, but you're not my type."

"What is your type then?" A girl asks.

"I like decent humans." I say, "That's all I think."

They laugh. I glance at Haruhi though the corner of my eye. They were staring out the window.

~`o`~

_I ask him what he got for question eight, he puts his medium length blond hair behind his ear and smiles to me underneath his gray framed glasses. He says 'A'. I mouth a thanks and right it down without a second thought._

_I leave an hour later after the rest of the students rush out. I where the last to leave the classroom and where alone and the only one in the dull hallways. I stop in front of a window on the third floor. I take off my glasses and rest my head in my hands as the sunlight engulfs me as the sun goes down._

~`o`~

I left club around the normal time after saying my goodbyes. I walk alone and embrace the silence after a long, loud day at school. All I hear is the rustling of trees and the chirps from the bugs. I see a figure at the down the path. They were walking towards me, but with the sunlight behind them, I could only see their silhouette.

With each step we grew closer and closer until I could work out their glasses, and the eyes hiding behind.

Those eyes.

"Libertina?" My voice almost breathless.

She held up her hands and moved them, "_Kinsley, what's up?"_


	7. Information and a new found Goal

Please leave a review of what you want to see from me in the next chapter.

I'm only on my second life. Compared to the others who died, I'm an over achiever. Thousands of people died during the bombings back home. Many are on their eighth life or twentieth, Libertina, or I guess 'Max', didn't believe me when I said I only died once.

I wanted to ask so many questions, but when I opened my mouth, words didn't come out. She told it was because the people in charge where watching me more closely compared to the others, enforcing the rules on me more.

We sit in on my bed, some shitty indie music playing in the background while she wrote on her notepad. I don't understand much sign language, eventually she gave up and resorted to writing to communicate with me.

She looks completely different. The only way I could tell it was her was because of her eyes. Her body type, skin color, hair color, everything, was completely different from her first body. I sensed my confusion and held up her note pad,

"_After your third or fifth death, they don't bother giving you the right appearance. You get what you get. Some people have been the different sex or species before, but those may just be rumors." _I nod. This is too much to take in.

"Whose 'they;?" My question was vague enough to get though the filters. She shrugged.

"_The gods? The game masters? Hell if I know. 'They' are just the people who are pulling the strings. But if all the information I've been gathering is true, then they're under new management. So far we're the first batch of unplanned deaths."_

"How did you find me?"

She groaned, clearly annoyed with all the questions I was asking. "_I didn't mean to. It's all chance. The first world I was in I was alone. It was dangerous and scary_, _and with my dumb weeaboo brain I thought it all was a game. __Your the third person from home, but we're the only ones here to my knowledge.__"_

"It's good to see you."

She smiled. "_Likewise."_

Time passed by fast. The sun was already going down once I came back to reality and Max wasn't the only person in my world. We talked so much, she talked about all the worlds shes been in. I felt horrible, she had to go through all of it alone. Some of the stories where gruesome. I don't know how she can even leave her house.

A maid knocked on the door, I tell her to come in after a glance at Max.

"Master Rowan, should I prepare a bed for your friend?"

I look at Max, she shakes her head.

"We're fine," I say, "If I need anything I'll be sure to tell you." She bows and leaves.

The door closes and silence fills the room.

"I have one last question," I say, "How did-" My voice stops.

I try again, opening my mouth once again. She raised her hand motioning me to stop. She writes on her notepad. _"The halfs rose back up. They attacked all of the recovering war torn states first, demolishing everyone and everything. Canada and Mexico sided with them, within one week all of the U.S. was gone." _She said, _"That's all I know. I was one of the last people to die back home."_

"So we're really just.."

"_Dead." _She writes. "_Nothing makes sense now. Time is fucked up, worlds are fucked up, the afterlife is fucked up, everything is going to shit."_

"Fun."

"_Isn't it?"_

I fall back on my bed, I stare at the ceiling. She stays sitting on my bed. The ceiling feels familiar but not. "Has anyone actually gotten though everything?" I ask. Surprised that I even could. "Life, I mean?"

"_I haven't heard of anyone successfully dieing." _She said, "_But, I've compiled a cheat sheet." _I raised an eye brow. Motioning for her to go on with an explanation. "_Our first death we all basically got the same sch-peel. We missed certain tasks that we had to complete to fully die. So I thought, every time we get placed into a new world, we're always in a different situation."_

"_My first world was __like this. I was in Japan, except, well, have you heard of death note?" _I shake my head, "_Okay so theirs this genius guy who has a notebook from a death god who can kill people with just a name and a face. The__re's__ this other genius guy who is a detective whose hunting him down. I eventually figured out that my unfulfilled task was to prove my intelligence and take pride in it."_

"_But I was killed." _Oh. "_Their hasn't been many opportunities like that one since, I'm assuming that this first world you get placed into is the easier one to figure out your task."_

"I don't know what mine would be." I say embarrassed. She looks up in thought.

"_Let's try and figure out if your in some anime or book world. __We are in Japan after all, this is a losers dream__"_

"When I first heard about the school it rang a bell, I'm pretty sure it's from an anime."

"_Well, which one do you think it is?"_

"Ouran High school Host club?"

"_Are you shitting me."_

I'm assuming it was a rhetorical question.

"So you're surrounded by hot guys," She writes, "_Have you gotten laid or…?"_

"Max no."

"_Ahah I'm just joking with with you. __You think I give a shit about hot guys?__" _She wrote,_ "Well you probably need like a __solid__ friendship or something. Like live your teen years and shit. Or fall in love or some bullshit?"_

"I fell in love before, I already achieved that goal." I look away when I say it. It was short lived, but my first datemate was amazing.

"_I think you'll have an easy ride then. __You're stuck with me until one of us dies, so get used to me."_

"I'm okay with this." I say, "I don't know, I just feel safer when I'm with you."

"_That's your first mistake. Remember how many times I've died?"_

"True. Very true." I roll on my side, a smile on my lips. I look up at her. "Where are your dates?"

"_Death dates?" _She pulled her hair up, showing me that back of her neck. My figure ghosted over them. It's still strange to me. Not much time has passed, but I feel like it's been years since I died. Her skin was pale and untouched, save for the dates.

When was the last time we talked? Middle school? It's been so long. For her its been longer. We were never close friends, but we sat next to each other in class back then, we where bound to form a small bond eventually. I regret not getting to know them for real until now.

"Didn't you want to dye your hair when you where younger?" I say.

"_Oh,"_She looked surprised that I remembered. "_I did. I forgot about it."_

"Well, do you want to dye it now?" I sit up and ask.

She hesitated before writing,_"Sure." _It read. I jump off my bed immediately, grabbing her by her hand and leading her out of my room.

"Let's go down stairs, I'll get one of the maids to call someone in to do it."

"_You're really loving the life of the rich, aren't you?" _She looked at me with a grin, a snake like look in her eyes.

"I mean, I guess..."

An hour later, I sat in a chair watching the hairstylist do her work. It was already ten at night. I wonder if Max's parents care where she is. She sat with no expression while her hair was covered in dye.

My phone vibrated in my pocket. With out looking I answered it.

"Hello?"

"Rowan, I'm glad you finally answered." It was Kyoya.

"Finally?"

"Tamaki and I have been calling you since club ended, It's quite rude not to answer"

"Oh, uh, whoops. No, I've been busy today. A friend came over." I say, "Where were you guys at the club anyways?"

"That's why I'm calling you. Tomorrow morning everyone is coming to school early to discuss certain matters. Will you be able to make it?"

"Sure, what time?"

"Six a.m." I groan.

"Can you kill me instead?" I hear him sigh over the phone.

"I'll see you tomorrow." He hangs up with out a moments hesitation.

Asshole.

"Rowan, what do you think?" The hair dresser asks. Not only did they cut off her long black hair to her chin, but it was dyed a deep blue.

"She looks amazing."

Max grabs her notepad and quickly writes,"_Gayyyy."_

"Do you want me to kill you? I could. I fucking could."


	8. I hate worrying about the future

_Because all of my problem revolve around the past._

also i have a poll on my page, its about shipping and stuff. check it out

please leave a review, no one has since like chapter two and im concerned that ive messed up lmao

We sat on my roof that night. We talked about life and immortality. It felt like time didn't affect us. That night I had a dream. It was like when I died. Except I was alone and no colors, not even dull ones. A voice was the only thing that existed. It told me to stop talking to Libertina.

I wake up with a feeling of melancholy. I told her she could stay if she wanted while I go to school but she said no. She goes to school too, but public instead of private. I changed into my uniform and that's when she asked me why I was wearing a male uniform.

"I'm non binary" I answer. She replied with a 'oh'

I left at ten till 6. This time by car. I may or may not have a hang over. The pink building came into my view as the ride was silent. I wait for the driver to open my door for me. Max was right, I really am enjoying the life of the rich.

The entrance to the school was empty. No one is their right mind comes here so early. I stare at the ground while I walk. It didn't take me long to get to the music room doors. I didn't hesitate opening the doors.

Kyoya and Haruhi where the only ones there. I'm guessing he gave Haruhi a ride. "Good morning," I say as I throw my bag on the floor. I fling myself on a couch. "What's up with the morning meeting?"

Haruhi shrugged and looked up from her book, "No clue, I just found out this morning that we were even having a meeting." I suddenly feel a bit better about being notified ahead of time.

"I'll just add the gas fee of picking you up this morning to your debt." Kyoya said. Haruhi said something under her breath.

"I mean, I could probably pay off your debt, I don't mind." I say without a second thought. She put her hands up calmy in defense.

"That isn't really needed, I just have to stay in the club until I graduate and it's all fine." I ask Kyoya for the reason of why we're here after acknowledging Haruhi's reasoning.

"Tamaki wants to set up a string of activities throughout the month. Everyone attending and participating is the goal."

"Couldn't we do that over group text?" I ask.

"That would make too much sense." Haruhi answers. "But Rowan, you might want to pull your shirt collar up."

I was confused, "What are you talking about?"

"I assume they're talking about the marks on your neck." Kyoya says from behind his clip board. "It's against club rules to have romantic relations outside of club as well."

Thank god they told me now as opposed to when the twins or Tamaki came. I felt heat creep onto my face. "H-hey now, ahah, slow your roll." I say, "Romantic is a strong word-"

The atmosphere in the room changed, it was like a villain in a videogame or something just came in. Still, Kyoya smiled behind his clip board in a manner that was way too calm. "I think club probation might be in order."

"L-look, she was just a friend! I don't remember what happened!"

The two music room doors open once again, the twins made their grand entrance. "Morning~" The two of them say, their tone tired and bored. "Oh? Why is Rowan all flustered?" They ask.

"N-No reason! Really! There's just a misunderstanding!" I defend. Sinking deeper into the couch. They walk towards me.

"Kyoya, come on, tell us what happened!"

"He seemed to have broken a club rule." He replied.

"Really? What was it?" They look at me with wide eyes, look at me from up and down.

"N-nothing-"

"Ah, I see, Hikaru, look at his neck!"

Kill me. Kill me. Kill me. Kill me.

"Who was the guy or girl?"

"How scandalis!"

"It was just a friend! Nothing else!"

"So you just make out with your friends?"

Oh my god. "NO-"

"You hesitated," They both say.

"Can we just not tell Tamaki? Seriously, I'll do anything." I ask. He would make things even more dramatic. And with my luck, I would never have any silence again.

"Why would you want to hide this from our king?"

"Seems kind of shady..."

"Come on! Please?"

"Kyoya, can me and Kaoru have the pleasure of coming up with the consequence?" Hikaru asks.

"Haruhi help me"

She gave we an awkward smile. There wasn't much to do.

"I don't see a problem with it." Kyoya said.

"Kyoya I hate you." I grumble. The twins talk in hushed tones. Looking at me before quickly looking back at eachother. I was drowning in anxiety. They look back at me no longer in hushed tones. They wouldn't tell me what they agreed on, but they said I would find out soon.

Tamaki entered in after Honey and Mori. Fashionably late I guess.

"Boss! We have the first activity for the group hang out!"

"Well, what is it boys?"

"_A sleep over at Rowans._"

My face pales. "Rowan! I'm glad you're becoming more active in our group!" Tamaki says, "Is this friday after school alright?"

Tomorrow? Oh god.

'_I'm too tired for this.' _I mutter while I rest my head in my hands. I was lucky and was able to cover up the hickies for the day. I texted Max about it, her responses was, '_lol nah I just made the marks while you were asleep to see what the club said about it ttyl" "_Sure. Tomorrow is fine."

Fucking bitch

"Now for the rest of the days to come!"

Tamaki began his shpell. All of his suggestions were outrageous and immediately shut down. Haruhi not having a visa caused for a lot of limitations as it was. I zone out.

Why would I stop talking to the one person I can trust? Libertina knows so much, I wish I could have been there with her. I wish I could have discovered what she did with her. Or maybe I wish I wasn't alone.

I know I now have 'friends'. I'm alone with my history. Is it really my history? Or is it Kingsleys?

Maybe

Maybe I should treat Kingsley as someone else. I'm not them. Was I ever actually Kingsley? Or have I always been Rowan?

"Rowan? Hello?" Kaoru waves his hand infront of my face. I snap out of my thoughts. My eyes still couldn't focus on the one twin yet. I rub my eyes, but the designs hypnotized me. I hunch over in my seat, my elbows on my knees and I lose myself easily.

I don't feel alive.

"Rowan? You okay buddy?"

I open my mouth, "Yea" It wavered. It's that pathetic thing that happens when your try and talk when you're about to cry. "_Shit" _I whisper to myself, but it wasn't quiet enough. Or maybe he could just tell. He sits next to me on the couch. I felt his knuckles on my back, going in circles.

My mom would do this for me, I remember. When I was little and was crying, she would hush me and just rub my back. I would fall asleep like that. It was when I didn't think about how much she wanted to cry.

"The rest of the club left a minute or two ago, they didn't see you." He says, "You don't have to try and hold back. It's okay."

My head falls closer to my knees, my arms cover the top of my head. Before I school even started, I cried in front of a new friend. Alone in the last music room , the bell tower rang.

~`o`~

Having someone to rub your back when you cry changes a lot in your life. Even if it's just once.


	9. New Mom Makes An Appearance

i have a poll on my page about shipping and shit on this story. check it out. currently there's one vote for kyoyaxrowan. there is an ocxoc option as well as no romance. tbh theres a shit load of options check them out.

...

I sit on my bed again. Friday morning, I sit still in my towel from my shower earlier this morning. School starts in twenty minutes. I contemplate actually going after my screw up yesterday morning. I went to club yesterday after school though, but I kept to myself. Avoiding any to all eye contact with the other hosts. Drowning myself in the fake conversations with the ladies. I start to wonder if these delusions I hold with the customers of relationships is actually healthy.

"Young master Rowan? Are you attending school today?" A maid on the other side of the door asks. I hesitate.

"Nah" I respond. I don't hear a response, but I take her footsteps getting quieter and quieter as a 'understood.' Today is the sleep over, and I kind of doubt that anyone will actually sleep. I'll probably waste the time I have alone today with naps and junk food. Libertina-Max, I mean, didn't respond to my first text yesterday. No texts from her this morning either. Maybe she could tell how mad I was over what her definition of 'funny' was.

She has changed a lot. Well, I guess I have too.

I sit up, my towel falling to the ground. I've gotten used to not cleaning up after myself. Well, to a point. I haven't been completely brainwashed into the life of the rich. Yet. I change into my clothing and ruffle my dark damp hair. It's still short, but not as short as I would like. I could get it cut today with the free time I have. I open my bedroom door and make my way downstairs. Breakfast time. My stomach was already killing me when I first woke up. Last night food was the last thing on my mind, now it's all I can think about.

"Rowan, is that you?" I was startled by a female voice at the end of the stairway. She spoke English but still had a thick Japanese accent. Her hands were full of shopping bags as maids helped carry others. Her lips where a bright red, perfectly applied lipstick with clean cut edges at the corners of her lips. Her eyeshadow was subtle, but enough to tell that she had her shit together. Her hair was black and thin, all pulled to a pony tail to the side of her face, framing her jaw line.

"Uhm, yes, I'm Rowan"

She dropped her bags and walked to me, up the staircase. I was hit with a thick wall of perfume while I was held by her. Her arms draped over my shoulders. I stood their with my lanky body confused and awkward. "_Your father and I have been wanting to get home as soon as we could, but work is work!" _

"_It's..nice to meet you." _I say. It felt weird speaking English again.

"_I must be making you feel on the spot, how about we eat breakfast together in the lounge?" _She said letting go of me. Her hands clasp my shoulders instead. When she spoke she looked me in the eyes, she was overflowing with confidence.

"_S-sure." _

I wonder what she expects me to be like. _Who _she expects me to be.

The light from the windows let me see every speck of dust pass through. Mrs. Kurosawa sat in front of the window, the light filling the room around her. She take a sip of her tea. I sit across from her, keeping close to myself. Holding my orange juice in my free hand, staring at my reflection in the juice. I never spend time in here, the 'lounge'. It's different from the living room. It's smaller and close together. It's ment for confrontations like these. "_How has school been? I've heard that you've joined the host club at the academy?"_

"Oh, uh, yes I have. How did you know?" I respond in japanese. I could barely understand her english. Hopefully she gets the idea.

A small laughs comes from her mouth, she looks down into her drink but her eyes look at me through her long lashes. "Gossip always flows through the mouths of the rich like spit, you'll learn that soon." She says, "But lets get down to business, you don't seem like the type for small talk."

"Sorry,"

"It's quite alright." She says, "During school you dress as a male and your peers address you as such, correct?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Don't call me ma'am, darling, I'm your mother." She smiles, but I still don't feel comfortable. "But you're comfortable in both, feminine and masculine, clothing?" I respond with a 'yes'. She hums and takes another sip of her tea.

"Is...is that all?"

"...Well," She thinks, "One last thing, don't skip anymore school. Today is excused, because, well, I'm here." She says, "You can do whatever now. You're free, aha."

I place my orange juice down on the glass coffee table and leave the room without another word. I feel like I should be convertible around her, but for some reason I get a weird vibe from her. I grab a sweat jacket from the shoe closet near the front exit and leave the house. I just want to be away from the giant house. It feels fake.

Nah, sorry brain, not in the mood for another break down. Let's shut that potential existential crises down. I walk down the sidewalk away from home, the sunlight nearly blinding me. I squint my eyes and pull my hood up, nearly covering my eyes. It's a little too big, but I'll survive. My feet feel heavy my it doesn't quite click in my head. I keep walking without a second thought. I see other students who should be in school, like me. They sit outside of a seven eleven. But they're not from from Ouran, instead some public school. I scratch my nose and walk towards them. Five of them sat, some sketching, some just listening to music.

I sit down at the end without asking. They don't say anything. The girl I sit next to takes out an earplug and puts it in my ear without asking me. Or making eye contact with me. Or even noticing my existence. We just sat listening to some obscure rock band. I like this, a lot. I lay my head back on the contract of the store, staring at the bright sky.

I wish I could be here all the time.

I zone out.

Before I knew it, it was five. Everyone who was here earlier were still here. Like time didn't effect them. My phone vibrates.

"_Where are you? You can't skip club today!" _It was from Tamaki. I sigh.I hope they don't mind me coming in in regular clothing. I take out the earphone and place back in the girls ear. She nods in response. I get up and take a step.

"Oi, come back sometime. You don't seem to bad." She mumbled.

I nodded and kept walking. The walk to the school didn't take to long. I get there at five ten. Jogging up the stairs to the music room with my hands in my pockets and head down.

"Rowan! You're late!" Honey's head popped up from the couch when I opened the door. I shrugged and show an apologetic smile.

"Sorry," I say, "I lost track of time."

"Are we still going to your house for the sleepover?" Honey asks, I nod. They smile and turns back to their customers with energy that I could never mimic.

"You have three customers over by the window," Kyoya says. I jump, when did he get behind me? "You've been making them wait, I would hurry if I was you."

"Oh-Yea, of course." I manage to get out. I walk to the three girls while taking off my jacket. I run a hand through my hair, my cheeks were still flushed from jogging up to the music room. "Sorry I'm late, I was hanging out with a few friends and lost track of time."

They smile and act like it was totally understandable and only a one time thing.

Well, now I just have an hour to burn with them. Talking to girls isn't as fun as it was when I first joined, its like a job now. I shouldn't complain. I smile at the girls.

I still won't be free after this.

Today is a day where I hate everyone.

I'll blame in on teenage hormones.

...

**sorry this chapter is short**

**i wanted to have the sleepover in this chapter but it didn't feel right? sorry**

**next chapter it will be**

**please leave a review!**


	10. (ツ)

idk if anyone still reads this but im done with this story b/c wow this sucks.

i don't really use this account seriously, i have a more popular death note story on my other account. It's called Crimson and Clovers if you like my writing.

peace nerds (heart you)


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